More than 90% of employees have at least one colleague who annoys them, according to a 2022 survey by Quality Logo Products.
But despite how pervasive pesky co-workers can be, there isn't a rule-of-thumb for how to deal with them.
Daniel Goleman is psychologist and author of the 1995 bestselling book "Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ."
He says that handling an annoying co-worker has less to do with how you treat them and more to do with how you prepare yourself.
"A hidden key here is self-awareness and self-management," he says.
Self-awareness
The first step to coping with an annoying co-worker is to check in with yourself while you're around them.
"It's important to know what you're feeling and how it shapes your perceptions, your motivations, your actions, and whether it harms your performance or not," he says.
"This leads you to recognize what is going on."
By identifying which actions you find triggering, you can better anticipate them and regulate yourself.
It's important to know what you're feeling and how it shapes your perceptions.Daniel GolemanPsychologist
Self-management
Before going into the office, give yourself a little pep talk, Goleman says.
He suggests something like: "Okay, I'm going to spend two hours with this person who I know triggers me. It's just this person, it's not me. And I don't have to react."
You can also "prepare your physiology," he says. Practices like box breathing can help you relax in the moment.
"This actually shifts your physiology from sympathetic nervous system arousal, which is the stress and anxiety mode, to parasympathetic, which is the relax and recover mode," he says.
By recognizing how your co-worker bothers you and preparing to deal with them, you can "recover more quickly," Goleman says.
"You can't control what in life is going to trigger you," he says.
"But you can control how long you stay triggered and how long you are upset."
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