Stanford-trained psychologist: This is the No. 1 way to sharpen your kid’s brain and help them succeed

Parents aren't always sure how to most effectively support their kids' development and help them sharpen their brains. The good news is that a lot of good advice can be summed up in a single goal: Help them adopt a growth mindset as often as possible.

When we're in our growth mindset, we believe that our capacity to learn is unlimited. In our fixed mindset, by contrast, we believe that we were either born with certain talents and strengths or we weren't, and there's nothing we can do about it. 

Because we all have both mindsets and move between them based on the situation, the No. 1 way to help kids succeed is to encourage them to access their growth mindset more of the time. Research shows it can dramatically improve their attitude, engagement, and performance. 

Here are five ways you can help your child develop a growth mindset:

1. Share stories of perseverance

Sometimes, kids are embarrassed by their failures or struggles because they believe everything comes easily to adults. Since storytelling is one of the most powerful ways to impart lessons, you can use stories to show them that's not the case and teach them about growth mindset.

One of my friends has an 8-year-old with a bit of a perfectionist streak. If she doesn't get new material at school right away, she becomes discouraged. So my friend, who's a writer, shared with her daughter that she has to go through multiple drafts for every project, constantly revising and improving her work. Her daughter was amazed and relieved to discover that her own mother has to work hard, too! 

These types of stories help normalize and show kids that almost anything worth doing usually involves a bit of struggle, especially at the beginning.

2. Talk about your favorite mistakes

When we inhabit our growth mindset, we're not afraid of making mistakes because we don't believe they reflect our inherent ability. Instead, we see missteps as learning opportunities.

I was delighted to witness a tool one teacher used to encourage growth mindsets in her classroom. On a large wall display titled, "My Favorite Mistakes," each student shared a mistake they'd made, along with how it spurred their learning. 

You can do a similar exercise at the dinner table. Ask everyone to share a recent misstep, along with how it made them feel and what they're learning from it. These can be light, fun conversations where we can laugh about our mistakes ("I definitely shouldn't have worn a white shirt to work because I ended up spilling lunch all over it!"), or a chance to recount more vulnerable moments ("I hurt someone's feelings today."). 

Through these conversations, we can accept our mistakes and embrace what they have to teach us. 

3. Remind your kids how far they've come

Kids often hyper-focus on the failure or struggle they're experiencing in the present moment, losing sight of the success they've had in the past.

If your child is feeling discouraged, remind them of the path they've taken and the obstacles they've overcome to get where they are now. For example: "Remember when you were having a hard time learning to read? Now you're reading entire chapter books on your own!" 

You can pull out some old assignments, photos, or videos to illustrate how things that were once challenging for them are now a piece of cake.  

Many kids — from toddlers to teens — love being reminded of what they were like when they were younger and how they've developed over time. This conversation also demonstrates your appreciation of them as individuals with their own growth trajectories.

4. Ask your kids where they need support

The simple act of checking in with your child helps you uncover if there's an area where they need extra support or assistance, whether it's practical help with math homework or a pep talk. For instance, ask them something like, "So, what challenges are you working with right now?"

Notice that this language normalizes the idea that at any given time, each of us is struggling with something. You could even lead by sharing something you're wrestling with, then ask them what they're facing.

Helping kids tap into their growth mindset isn't just about encouraging them to hang in there or try harder. It's about ensuring that they have the resources and support they need to be successful. 

5. Make it fun

Shaping your family's mindset is a group effort, but it doesn't have to feel serious or heavy. For instance, one activity that can be both fun and effective is to engage the whole family in coming up with a slogan or mantra, such as "We love learning!" or "Go for growth!" 

When we see learning and growing as enjoyable, we're more likely to want to do the work it takes to get there.

Mary C. Murphy, PhD, is Professor of Psychological and Brain Sciences at Indiana University, the founding director of the Summer Institute on Diversity at the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University, and founder and CEO of the Equity Accelerator, a research and consulting organization. She is also the author of "Cultures of Growth: How the New Science of Mindset Can Transform Individuals, Teams, and Organizations."

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