Lady Gaga's House Wasn't Born This Way
I'm in the middle of a major home remodeling project. After it's completed, I may have to start on a major marriage remodeling project. For those of you who've lived through construction, you know the layer of dust coating everything isn't nearly as thick as the layer of tension. My sister sent me this cartoon from the New Yorker which hilariously illustrates one of our issues--the missing contractor.
Our Diana Olickhas been reporting that the remodeling biz is at its highest level in five years.
But one superstar who may be in desperate need of an Extreme Makeover Home Edition is someone who indulges in extreme makeovers:
Lady Gaga.
Gaga is everywhere.
She appeared Wednesday night on "American Idol" simulating lovemaking and falling off a cliff.
Amazon.com is once again trying to sell her latest album for 99-cents, hoping this time its servers won't crash.
Her fashion style is legendary — raw meat, red lace, giant eggs.
Now decorators are dying to turn her house into a monster of design.
Vanessa Brunner on the Houzz website thinks that Gaga's current Hollywood home is nothing to go gaga over, calling it "a shockingly standard McMansion.
Where were the sequins, gold, faux blood, and gothic twists?"
Brunner proposes a variety of changes, a lot of them involving bubbles.
"Remember Gaga's bubble dress?" Brunner asks, suggesting some $4,200 Eero Aarnio Bubble Chairs.
There are also egg chairs, in honor of Lady Gaga being carried "in a giant egg by four semi-naked men."
I kind of like the dining room idea, especially the blown glass bubble chandelier.
The liquid wall lamp, with red paint spilling beneath it, is an ingenious way to recall Gaga's penchant for dripping blood.
But a lot of the house isn't practical.
The floating stairway?
Good luck navigating that in Gaga-esque 10-inch heels.
The Bubble Stool looks absolutely painful, which actually fits her style.
Still, try sitting on this chair and maintaining a poker face.
The $2,200 Strand Console Table honors Gaga's "love of red lace" but "would keep guests guessing as to where to put their coaster."
Then there is the room which will never get used: the kitchen. Decked out in blinding white, it's made even more blinding by a lot of "shiny, pretty things". I can't imagine bacon grease popping or marinara sauce boiling over onto the cooktop and counter. Then again, Lady Gaga doesn't appear to be much interested in cooked food.
She likes her meat raw.
Which leads to my favorite suggestion from Brunner: the $6.50 raw steak switchplate.
"Let's hope she refrains from using any uncooked sirloin in her home's design, and opts for this kitschy light switch plate instead."
Maybe the raw steak light switch can turn on the wall lamp with dripping blood which you can appreciate while sitting painfully on the bubble stool while forced to hold a drink because you can't figure out where to put it down on the coffee table.
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.