J-Lo on "Idol," Mother's Day Pitches And More

Jennifer Lopez
Jennifer Lopez

J-Lo Down Low. Jennifer Lopez will be on "American Idol" this week, and, frankly, I can't wait to see her and Sanjaya have a "session." But the question is, who needs whom more at the moment? Idol's ratings are down 10% according to Nielsen. But Lopez's new album, her first Spanish-language endeavor, sold only 48,000 copies its first week. That's fantastic for a Spanish language album, but lousy for a J-Lo release. Her last album debuted with more than five times the sales.

This one came in the email box of one of our producers:
"Hello, If you're thinking about health stories with a Mother's Day angle, consider the three amazing moms profiled in the latest issue of ADDitude magazine."

Guess what? There is a magazine devoted entirely to ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder. So I started Googling and found all kinds of magazines. There's "Lupus Now," "Menopause Matters," and "A&U, America's AIDS Magazine," which has Queen Latifah is on the cover this month! I HAD NO IDEA. However, there's still plenty of room for new publishing ventures. I could not find magazines devoted to Herpes, Incontinence, or Repetitive Motion Disorder.

The hardcover version of a book called, "My Parents Went Through the Holocaust and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt," by S. Hanala Stadner. This is a real book. Highly reviewed on Amazon.com. The author claims that her parents suffered so much under the Nazis that they had no time for her teenage angst. Reviewers describe it as "incredibly funny" though also "disturbing."

For example, there's this riotous moment described on page 8: "Ma whips this door open and catches me unwrapping a salami. Her disgust shifts from Daddy to me. 'Hitler killed my brodders, my sisters, and all dere children, but I should live to have a daughter like you? You can't use a plate?'" It's described as "a little bit Auschwitz, a little bit Brady Bunch..." Oy.

Every day in Los Angeles rich people fight it out in court. Here's a rundown of today's docket:

  • 8:30 am Former Beach Boy Mike Love is suing former band mate Al Jardine for touring under the Beach Boys name without permission. Love wants $2 million to pay FOR ATTORNEYS FEES.
  • 8:30 am The children of billionaire Irvine Co. Chairman Donald Bren (#27 on the Forbes 400 Richest Americans list) are asking a judge to reconsider his decision to throw out a lawsuit they filed against Dad. They claim their father has given them insufficient emotional and financial support. The judge earlier ruled that the statute of limitations had run out.
  • 9:30 amTrial continues in the spat between billionaire movie producer Philip Anschutz and millionaire author Clive Cussler, over who's to blame for the stupendous $100+ million loss of the movie, "Sahara," based on Cussler's book.
  • 10:00 am A hearing in a case filed by billionaire Ron Burkle against former Hollywood power broker Michael Ovitz over not sharing in investment opportunities. Ovitz has countersued. Burkle is seeking millions of dollars, claiming Ovitz broke an oral agreement. Which is why you don't do business based on oral agreements.

AND MY FAVORITE ... 9:00 am Three women are arraigned for allegedly running "injection parties" in Beverly Hills. Party-goers apparently thought they were being injected with a new anti-wrinkle filler...but prosecutors say it was actually silicone. Which is illegal. It's all part of what I call "the changing face of Beverly Hills."

Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com