The Marty Ingel's Memo: His Rebuttal To Me

Last Friday, I poked some fun at Shirley Jones

for sending out a press release when Florence Henderson reportedly called her a nasty name. Well, I got an earful on the phone from Jones’ husband, comedian Marty Ingels, who wanted to know if I’d be willing to print a rebuttal. I said, “Absolutely! Every word!”

Oops! Last night in the ol’ email inbox I got a four-page scanned hand-written letter from Ingels. Here it is, the whole thing:

Wells, Wells, Wells…Let’s get a grip here!

They tell me you’re one of the “smarter” news people. Not here, not now. Your mean-spirited, myopic, spin-blinded comments on the recent Florence Henderson/Shirley Jones issue were unearned, unfair, below the belt jabs at two American Icons who were enthralling theater audiences when you were not yet a decision!

“Planet Desperate”? “Maniacal?” “Effective Marketing” tips? Where ARE you, JW??

Has your mind deteriorated to that concrete Stepford, one-dimensional, pull-the-string-every-time, boring Hollywood echo that EVERYBODY wants a piece of that pathetic simpleton’s spotlight? (Hilton’s)

Ever heard of the Truth, Jane? REAL LIFE? The way it was…and is? The way it actually came down? …With nothing more “contrived” or “agenda’d” about it? No damn career moves on the screen? Just the FACTS spelling out the way it happened…to fall as they may without the Jane Wells scavengers picking at the troubled bodies for surely suspect signs of “market motives”?

TAKE A BIG LEAP HERE, WELLS: Ever heard of that?

You made a mistake, Jane…

We have two multimillionaire show business legends with brimming careers and family-value Award Histories unmatched by anyone…who don’t NEED ten-cent Trump-O’Donnell gristmill buzz…stumbling on a simple, unfortunate, interview quote glitch misunderstanding…plain and simple. Happens all the time—your hairdresser had one last week—your plumber has ‘em all the time.

Florence and Shirley had one…BEFORE it got to either of them, it got to some Google clown…and both Florence and Shirley had to make some light comment before moving on with their REAL, art-filled lives?

Why can’t you swallow that, Louella?

Why is it not on your screen that not everybody is Pamela Anderson, or Lindsay Lohan…or, for that matter, Phil Spector…or Robert Blake…or Larry Flynt…or YOU? That there ARE the Shirley MacLaines and Julie Andrews and Meryl Streeps…and the Shirley Jones’…whether or NOT the Rona Barret Ambulance chasers can ever fine-tune their sadly jaded frequencies past their Princess Diana crash-site photo mentality to recognize it?

You did wrong this time, Jane Wells.

You made a mistake that “cost” Florence and Shirley.

You got the stuff to ADMIT it, kid?

Marty Ingels

Note: Jane…not sure if you have any “air guest fare…but I’d love to debate…no, explain…no, EXAMINE the insidious American Lohan/Hilton/Spears press atmosphere that has made it “unsafe” to be GENUINELY “reported about” (as Shirley & Florence were) without the Press CORP knee-jerking natural timely jabs and “tapping into the fray.” Sounds like an intelligent spin-off to ME! What say?

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