Fake Steve Jobs: First A Blog, Now The Book!

Fake Steve Jobs gripped the internet for months: Who was he? Why was he doing it? Was it really Jobs himself? Or someone else? It was a terrific mystery up untilthe day New York Times reporter Brad Stone unmasked Dan Lyons, a writer for Forbes, as the REAL Fake Steve Jobs last month. It was a bummer. The magic of Fake Steve Jobs was his anonymity. Attaching a face to the fake obliterated the illusion.

But the popularity of the blog, and the incisive commentary it offered, created a massive following and Dan Lyons is seizing on the success, ready to release a book that takes to a new level his depth of understanding of all things Steve Jobs, and stretches his Steve Jobs "voice" to a place the blog could never go.

Prepare yourself for "oPtion$; The Secret Life of Steve Jobs, a Parody by Fake Steve Jobs." (Da Capo Press.) 248 pages of mostly scintillating satire, that if you can get beyond the fact that you now know for sure that this really ISN'T Steve Jobs, is pretty entertaining. De Capo sent me an advance copy of the book, and having just finished it, I couldn't wait to share!

In the prologue: "I'm a handsome, famous, spiritually gifted genius; and I wipe my ass with money. No wonder people are jealous of me. I understand. I'd be jealous of me, too." He goes on: "No doubt you've heard what happened to me. You've read the stories about the big scandal at Apple. The fact is, you've heard only one side. You've heard a distorted tale based on leaks and lies, fabrications and falsehoods created by prosecutors, government flunkies and media hacks. Now it is my turn. And believe me, my lies and fabrications and falsehoods are way more convincing theirs."

Ha! Sit down with Jobs and read these words and you can almost hear him saying them. Heaven only knows he'd probably love to say them publicly. I'm next to positive he's uttered them enough privately.

FSJ also talks about other stock options scandals, including one involving animator-wunderkind John Lasseter at Pixar: "I tell them (Disney) how a few years ago John Lasseter started making noise about leaving Pixar... He's the world's greatest living animator, a genius on the level of Leonardo da Vinci or Michelangelo. He's probably the greatest animator who ever lived. There was no way we were going to lose him. So we wrote John a new contract, with a huge bonus, a huge raise and a load of stock options. To sweeten things a little bit more, we backdated the options so they'd be more valuable. He stayed. My opinion? I think we did the right thing. You can hate me if you want to, but I will not apologize for keeping John Lasseter attached to Pixar." Nice.

Later in the book: "Okay, this is embarrassing. But every year, on the day when they announce the Nobel Peace Prize winners, I clear my schedule and sit by the phone. I know it's silly. Larry (Ellison) says I'm an idiot. You know what? I wish I could be like him. Just vapid and self-centered and caring about nothing about racing giant penis boats and sleeping with Asian interns. But I can't. I want more from life. I want to make a difference. I care too much. That's my fatal flaw."

It's a fun read. You'll chuckle and snort and you'll laugh at the over-the-top whimsy that IS Steve Jobs. You'll hear Steve Jobs in your head reading these words to you. But oh, how I wish this book were released BEFORE I knew the identity of Fake Steve Jobs.

The book should be released around November 1. Pre-orders are already available on Amazon.

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