Need A Halloween Hangover Excuse? Get It Right Here


The internet never ceases to amaze and amuse with its ability to support any business idea, no matter how far-fetched. And advertisers keep lining up.

The latest idea may be of help if you stayed out too late at a Halloween party, and are too groggy to get to work. Log on towww.myexcusedabsence. For $19.95 they'll let you download five doctor's notes explaining you were out due to illness. Use one today, save the rest for later! For five dollars more you can get a full printout of a funeral service to prove you were absent due to a death, or you can buy an emergency room note or medical evaluation form.

There are actual phone numbers on these notes, so I'm wondering who picks up if your boss is suspicious enough to call. But $19.95 for five doctor's notes, $24.95 for a medical evaluation form? Seems a bit steep for the slacker who actually needs the excuses. Of course, said slacker may not be creative enough to gin one up on his/her own. By the way, the site's fine print reads "for entertainment use only," perhaps as some sort of legal protection against defrauding employers.

As if THAT idea isn't wild enough, the main advertiser on the site is even better. It's from a photo downloading service offering a "free boob job" to one customer. Just agree to pay $2.99 for a monthly download of a photo (it doesn't tell you what the photo shows, but I can guess), and you could be the lucky winner of free bigger breasts. But wait, there's more! The free breast enhancement is co-sponsored by a bail bondsmen! To... bust...out of jail?

But wait, there's STILL more! The other main ad on the site is for "River of Love Cabins." Nervously, I went ahead and clicked the link. I mean, really, how could I not at this point? I'd already been silly enough to investigate the excused absences and the free plastic surgery. I ended up at www.riveroflove where I learned, "If you're looking for an Oklahoma romantic resort cabin...look no further." Well, thank goodness that search is over.

In the next post... the wine world reaches new levels of smugness.

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