Sad. There are no new episodes left of "The Office" because of the strike, which means we will instead have to experience the real-life insanity of communing with colleagues at the holiday office party. We all have our Michaels, Dwights, and Angelas. But for those of you more like Andy, the character who's always scheming for a higher slot in the pecking order...words of advice from a press release I just received:
"Holiday 'Office Party Parlay' Strategies Foster Upward Career Mobility"
The release touts the opportunities to turn the office party into a career boon, "without coming off as brown-nosing?" Indeed! Mystery solved! Business coach and author John M. McKee can advise you! His suggests you don't bring a date who embarrasses you (Nice!) and that you arrive early and "generally spread good tidings...show your humanity and connect on a different level before things really heat up." What level would that be? The humanity level? Before things "heat up" to the insanity level?
--Presence pays…literally...It's imperative to present a comfortable demeanor- however "important" or intimidating the other person may be.
--Maintain your visibility. The location where you are situated should be highly visible. Stand in a place that is approachable - not behind chairs or the kitchen door where there is high traffic.
--Due diligence. Review current news events before the office event so you may participate in - or, even better, start - mainstream conversations about the economy, foreign affairs, and relevant "happenings" around your city. This macro awareness can put you in a whole new light in the eyes of a superior.
--Nix the narcissism. Rather than focusing on self-talk, make the other person your focal point. Feed their ego by asking him or her open-ended questions, and be sure to include everyone in the conversation -with both questions and eye contact.
--Imbibe and socialize with caution. There is no quicker career killer than public displays of drunkenness at a business function. Don't embarrass yourself by dancing like a crazy person or like a predator at a club, get caught necking or act aggressive in any way.
Oh come on! The crazy dancing person/predator/sex-crazed necker is the best part of the party!
MY READERS ARE FUNNIER THAN FAKE JANE:
From Anthony, about my blog on incomprehensible corporate-speak in office emails (see "macro awareness" in the above press release!):
"Fake Jane's ersatz hairdo and verbal combustibles are leaning giggle coefficients and under-increasing productive capabilities as I'm trying to work from home." BRAVO!
Regarding my post on the "banner" contest I hold at CNBC, a fabulous addition from Stephen D. on Citibank's troubles with Collateralized Debt Obligations, based on the "Starship" hit:
"We Built This Citi on CDOs!"
Comments? Funny Stories? Email email@example.com