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Sycamore Hill: "Free" Drugs

If you've hung with me this far during the "read my screenplay because I'm on vacation and wanted to put something on the blog" experiment, you are truly my friends. Sick, but friends. Today, the "Boomers and Beyond" who live at the 55-years-and-old complex known as "Sycamore Hill" show us how to party. Again, much of what is portrayed here is based on true stories.

ACT II

Scene D

FADE IN:

INT. COMMUNITY ROOM

RESIDENTS ARE GATHERED FOR A SOCIAL, WITH PUNCH,

FOOD, MUSIC, AND DANCING. RANDOLPH VAN RYAN, THE DAPPER (POSSIBLY GAY) PAINTER, IS DANCING WITH GERTIE.

MAYVENE STANDS TO ONE SIDE WITH RON, A RETIRED COP, WHO’S WEARING A USS RONALD REAGAN CAP. ANOTHER RESIDENT, VERA, APPROACHES WITH A MAN, VIKTOR. VERA IS SHORT AND TINY, VIKTOR IS MASSIVE, AND DOUR.

MAYVENE

Hi, Vera.

VERA

Mayvene, Ron, I want to introduce you to

my new boyfriend, Viktor. Viktor, this is

Mayvene and Ron.

MAYVENE

Nice to meet you, Viktor.

VICKTOR

(thick eastern European accent)

It’s “Week-tore.”

RON

Where are you from, Vik? Wick?

VIKTOR

Czechoslovakia.

MAYVENE

Oh, the Czech Republic. I am such

a fan of Vaclav Havel. (to Ron)

V-A-C-L-A-V, but pronounced VAS-lav.

VIKTOR

I pronounce it “bullshit!” Worst thing

to happen to Czechoslovakia! Him and

Reagan! Bastards!

RON

Now hold on there…

VIKTOR

Let me tell you the four things I

hate: Republicans, Jews, Iranians

and Mexicans.

MAYVENE

Welcome to California.

RON

An Iron Curtain Archie Bunker!

SHOREH ENTERS with MIRIAM, another resident. MIRIAM

is very attractive and stylishly dressed. They

approach MAYVENE’s group, carrying cups of punch.

SHOREH

Hey guys. I see Gertie is dancing

with the painter! (starts to sob)

MIRIAM

(handing her a Kleenex)

Shoreh, don’t start crying. Anyhow,

I’m convinced Randy is gay. He’s never

asked me out, and, believe me, I’ve

made it clear I’m available.

There’s a pause, as they all look at VIKTOR.

VERA is hesitant to introduce them.

VERA

Shoreh, Miriam, this is my…friend, Week-tore.

SHOREH

(trying to keep her voice steady)

Hello, Week-tore, nice to meet you.

He notices her accent.

VIKTOR

Where are you from?

SHOREH

Tehran.

VIKTOR spits on the ground.

VIKTOR

I want nothing to do with you.

SHOREH bursts into tears.

RON

(stepping forward)

Listen, jerk…

SHOREH grabs RON’s arm to stop him. VIKTOR turns

to MIRIAM and smiles.

VIKTOR

Now you’re more my type, lovely lady.

What’s your name?

MIRIAM

(flattered)

Miriam Goldfarb.

VIKTOR’S smile drops like an iron curtain. He

walks away, VERA skipping double-time after him.

MIRIAM

Was it something I said?

MAYVENE

Yes, actually. Shoreh, he spat at you.

That’s a violation of section 103-a of the

CC&R’s and you should report him.

SHOREH

(calmer)

No, no, best to just let it go.

(sniffle) He can just shish my kabob!

MIRIAM

(in a low voice to Ron)

Ron, you coming to the GTA Friday?

RON

Wouldn’t miss it. I’m going to win this time.

MIRIAM

I wouldn’t be so sure. That paramedic,

Brian, has too much inside information.

MAYVENE

What are you two talking about?

MIRIAM and RON

Nothing.

TOM ENTERS, and everyone briefly stops and stares, before starting up their conversations again. TOM goes over to chat with his mom, JOANN.

MAYVENE

What’s he doing here? I thought he was

arrested for something to do with

Bill’s death. Ron, you’re the retired cop.

What happened?

RON

Well…I’m told Bill died from some bad

Canadian prescription drugs that expired…

MIRIAM

…just like Bill.

RON

Anyhow, the investigator thinks Bill

got the stuff from Tom, But they don’t

have enough evidence.

MAYVENE

That man is trouble.

RON

I hear he’s got quite a business going on

here. Lipitor, Viagra, Xanax, you name it.

STELLA ENTERS.

STELLA

(cheerily)

Hi everyone! Your Activities Director

here! And I have a special surprise

tonight! FREEBIES!

A commotion breaks out.

GERTIE

Oooh, better than Christmas!

Stella, what are we getting?

STELLA

Well, because of ANOTHER Medicare

foul-up, or something, I’m not sure,

the Shady Oaks Nursing Home has a surplus of

old Vioxx! I have a box by the door, help

yourselves! Be pain free FOR free!

There’s a stampede to the door. MAYVENE and RON

hang back.

MAYVENE

Forget Tom’s drug dealing! Management’s

handing out banned drugs, stolen from

the Shady Oaks Nursing Home!

RON

Ah, the Golden Years.

In the uproar to grab the free Vioxx, a WOMAN falls

and is trampled.

WOMAN

Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

WOMAN #2

Quick someone call Brian at American

Ambulance!

RON

(taking out his cellphone)

I’ll call. I’ve got Brian on speed dial!

He presses the speed dial.

FADE TO BLACK

END OF ACT II

Up next: We finally learn what GTA is.

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