When it comes to detecting deception the trick is in the observation, not intuition. Often times when people follow their gut without asking powerful follow-up questions they can burn bridges -- fast! Here are a couple of the rules that I taught the ATF, FBI, CIA, and now teach corporate 500 company executives, and people just like you!
The Rule of One: Get a baseline for every individual, it's also called, "Norming" what is someone's "Normal" behavior. When people change from their norm, that's a probing point. When looking to spot deception, look for three or more probing points. Then ask powerful open-ended questions.
*NOTE: All of the items listed below in and of themselves does NOT mean someone is LYING, we must norm people. If they say "umm" or "I swear to God," all the time, then these would not be probing points if they appeared during the confrontation -- Unless they dramatically increased or decreased.
1. Head Nods: Shaking the head in the opposite direction then what you are saying. For instance, shaking your head up and down signaling "NO," but saying "We will give you plenty of overtime."
2. Shoulder Shrugs: A shoulder shrug means uncertainty. So if someone is saying, "I don't know if we can buy your product at this time," it makes sense to include a shoulder shrug. But if the person is saying, "Yes, I will make sure that is mailed out today," and they do a shoulder shurg that indicates the opposite of the definitive statement. This is a majoy probing point in the deception world. John Mark Karr who claimed he was there when Jon Bonnett Ramsey was killed did several shoulder shrugs while saying he was there. This indicated that there could be more to the story and there was... he was LYING!
3. Self-Touch Gestures: Anytime a piece of our body touches another piece of our body, it sends the message of anxiety. So if someone rubs there arm with their other arm, or scratches their nose, or rubs their neck, these are all self-comforting gestures. It's as if they are saying, "It's O.K., I'll get through this!"
1. Buts: Liars, we are watching your buts! Master manipulators and liars can often be head using any of the following phrases,
"I know you're not going to believe me, BUT..."
"I know you're going to think I'm making this up, BUT..."
"I know this is going to sound strange, BUT..."
"I know you are going to think this is a lie, BUT..."
"You might find this hard to believe, BUT..."
The "But" cancels what they are saying, and the couple words before “the But” is where the truth lies. Again, it's important to use the "Rule of One" here!
2. Stalling Techniques: These are the umms, errs, you knows, clearing the throat, and repeating the question, i.e. YOU: Are you giving someone else the promotion? THEN: Am I giving someone else the promotion? A stalling technique is used for two reasons:
ONE: They are deciding whether or not they are going to lie to you.
TWO: If they chose to lie, they have a little extra time to make up a lie.
3. Tone of Voice: More than 80% of the time when someone is lying there will be a change in their pitch or tone of voice. When their voice goes down, (almost inaudible) it's masking sadness and when the tone of voice goes up it's leaking anger, or the less obvious answer, FEAR! When we push a liars buttons and get closer to the truth often times they'll raise their voice to get us to back off like they are angry, but really it's FEAR because we are untangling their web of lies.
4. The Top 8 Lines Used By Liars When Confronted:
ONE: Are you calling me a liar?
TWO: I knew this was going to happen to me!
THREE: What kind of person do you think I am?
FOUR: Just ask my friends they'll tell you that I didn't...
FIVE: I'd have to be stupid to lie to you!
SIX: Why would I lie to you?
SEVEN: I swear to God!
EIGHT: My word is my bond!
The Lyin' Tamer's 4-Step Confession Formula:
1. Is there any reason why...?
3. W.A.I.T. (Why AM I Talking? -- In other words, say nothing!)
4. Say the person's name, then say, "Is there something you want to get off your chest? (And shake your head "YES")
For more about Janine, visit her website - www.lyintamer.com