Holiday Gifts That Really Express How You Feel

Lost your job? Hate your broker? Funny Business has discovered the perfect gift. It’s a platter of horse manure. You’re probably thinking, “Why didn’t I think of this?” I know. Me, too. You can purchase the platter at www.8776shipit.com. Tom Aubrey tells Wireless Flash that he got the idea for the gift about a month ago after going through his own unhappy experience. You see, Aubrey has made chicken salad out of horse…manure. It costs $22.95 for a platter of poop, $3 more of you want to add a note. And who wouldn’t want to add a note? “Dear Mr. Thain, here’s your bonus.”

The site declares that the platter has been “voted the most clever gift of 2008.” I can only assume voters included my 16-year-old son and his buddies. This is what they live for. Actually, this is what I live for. Heck, I’ve got a basset hound that can produce on command. I wonder what the start up costs are.

8776shipit.com says the horse excrement is selling because it is able to “express what words can’t say,” and the gift has been especially popular among exes and unhappy employees. The horse platters are shrink-wrapped to cut down on the smell, though nothing may stink as much as asking for a bonus while cutting jobs.

AND THEN THERE’S THIS…
Times are hard, and many people are being forced to make gifts rather than buy them, but here’s a gift idea not for the faint of heart. You will never look at slippers the same again. Mind you, this is on a “Family Crafts” website. “Hey, son, get Mommy another box of Maxis and help me finish up Grandma’s present!”

AYN RAND, THE CHRISTMAS CAROL
The song parody folks at Versus have REALLY made a stretch and turned “Walking in a Winter Wonderland” into a skewering of Alan Greenspan called “Walking in the Cinders of Ayn Rand.” How? Why? What? Watch.

“How’d you take your convictions, from a flake who wrote fictions?” the song jests to cheery holiday music with Greenspan bobbing along, holding up the world. “Well I’m kind of bugged that Atlas just shrugged, walking in the cinders of Ayn Rand.” Next week, they’ll be adding “Go Tell It In Accountin’”, a mockery of TARP to the tune of “Go Tell It On The Mountain.” Folks, this is the world we live in. What’s next? “Hark the Alt-A Avalanche”? “Deck the Boss”?

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com