'Twas The Night Before Bailout

From reader Tim Jagemann, a Christmas story for our time. I bolded the line that made me laugh out loud...


'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through their home,

Foreclosure was looming, for sure not a loan;

First Bear, then Lehman, then Fannie & Freddie,

TARP, Madoff, GM - enough already.

Their bills were stacked by the chimney with care,

In hopes that a bailout soon would be there;

The children were nestled, all snug in their beds,

But visions of foreclosure tormented their heads;

And I, in my own mind, the bills I did juggle,

I knew we were in for a long winter's struggle,

When out on the lawn, there arose such a glow,

I sprang from the couch, to seek out the show.

Away to the window, I flew in a hurry,

Tore open the drapes and stared without worry.

The moon on the crest of new-fallen snow,

Gave the glow of sunlight to the scene below.

When, what to my wondering eyes did I see,

But a large golden sleigh, parked under a tree.

With a short, bearded driver, so burly - not lanky ,

I knew in a flash it must be Bernanke.

More rapid than lawyers, his advisers they came,

Then he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Paulson! Now, Geithner! Now Dimon and Mack!

On, Bair! On Blankfein! No Pandit, get back!

To the top of the roof! Over the wall!

Now fly away! Fly away! Fly away all!"

So up to the roof top his bankers they flew,

With the sleigh full of cash, and Bernanke too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,

The sound of his chuckle I knew was the proof.

As I drew back my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney he came, with nary a sound.

He was dressed all in white, from his head to his toe,

His clothes were all glistening with fresh-fallen snow;

A bundle of cash, he had flung on his back,

He looked like a hiker just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His hands - so nimble!

His cheeks were like apples, his smile - a symbol!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow.

He was chubby and plump, a jolly old elf,

I smiled when I saw him, disbelieving myself;

A wink of his eye and a nod of his head,

Gave me a sign I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

He paid all the bills; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger along side of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like a holiday missile;

But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,

"Happy Bailout to all, and to all a good-night."

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