What Would Fake Madoff Say?

Time for another Funny Business contest! Just in time for the holidays, I'm taking submissions for the Fake Bernie Madoff Apology/Confession/Excuses.

First, to be clear, Real Bernie Madoff remains innocent until proven guilty. He has allegedly confessed, but that's according to authorities. He has not pleaded guilty of anything in any court of law.

However, Fake Bernie has no such constitutional presumption of innocence. So please speak for him!

Should FB apologize? What would FB's confession sound like? Or would FB be what Larry Kudlow describes as "a wiseass" and say he's just been misunderstood.

I will post some submissions and choose a winner. Prize tba (perhaps a Credit Suisse illiquid asset). I await your entries. A winner will be chosen no later than Christmas Eve.

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com