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Fake Bernie Madoff Meant To Say "Make-Off"

The latest entry in the Funny Business contest for "Best Fake Madoff Apology" comes from Ken Taylor:

"Dear Jane,

Look, I'm just so terribly sorry about all this nonsense about the money. It was just a misunderstanding - I originally called the fund 'Make-off', as a pun on my own name, but people just didn't seem to get it, and it morphed into my name and then, well, I guess it just got too big to stop. What can you do? I hate to disappoint, so just kept on at it.

And anyway, what's wrong with bringing joy to people's miserable lives, even if just for a while? No one said 'no' to the dividends - certainly not the banks and funds, and if they think it's kosher, who am I (or you!) to argue? After all, it's the thought that counts, and I thought it would keep going!

Oh well, captive audiences are what the game is all about, and I think I'll have one for the next 10-20, so who knows what's next in this life?

Do take care, and if you hear any good tips, don't hesitate to pass them on - I'd do the same for you. Drop by for the weekend, maybe?

Happy holidays!

Yours always;

(Fake) Bernie Madoff"

TOUGH TIMES FOR HOOKERS, AUTO MAKERS, TARP, AND THE NATIONAL LAMPOON--YOUR EMAILS

On my post citing a Las Vegas newspaper article on tough economic times hitting the oldest profession, Ronald B. laments:
"If the world's oldest profession is facing financial hardship, how far behind are the rest of us?"

Jason J. combines the hooker problem with a tortured shout-out to California vendors no longer accepting credit cards from state enterprises (like the prisons) :
"First the Roxanne's of the world, even with their red dress on, can't get a John… And now the John's in the joint can't get bar a soap to drop because the warden's card is maxed out… (locking in the oldest profession, Christmas - red dress, a bit of stretch and probably a stretched red dress per the employee wearing it and putting a bow on it with the Police - just could not find a band that sang a song about prostitutes called Prison…). This economic depression is digging into everyone's pocket book - Except for Wall Street, thank goodness they are still getting their bonuses… They are not savages…"

A range of emails on my posts on auto makers. Chris J. from California wrote that in her recent purchase, Ford beat out Honda:
"I thought we'd buy a (Honda) FIT-- it's been getting great press, there's talk it will even be named car of the year--but when I drove it there was no comparison to the Ford Focus. The Focus was nicer on the inside, had a better 'feel' while driving, the MPG used is almost the same, plus it was $2,000 less. When my husband told the Honda dealer that we were going with the Focus the manager remarked, 'that's the first time I've lost out to a Ford'..."

On the poll I had over whether people might buy a car from a bankrupt auto maker (most of you said "yes"), Bill M. writes:
"I've always thought the data claiming nobody would buy from a bankrupt automaker is a bit dubious (sorry Phil). Those surveys need to be conducted very carefully -- if, as you point out, someone asks the question a bit differently (or targets a specific type of buyer -- in your example, the penny-pincher), the results may be quite different."

But I also got this email:
"You can't go down to your local Home Depot or Lowes and pick up a complex braking system or computer module for your vehicle like you could something for your house. It's not really about the warranty at the end of the day, although this gets a lot of the attention. It's about getting access to replacement parts if the car company or supplier who produced the part is no longer in business."

After I reported from Vegas on the TARP "field trip", Richard V. writes:
"The government can not force the resolution the the housing (nor the auto) collapse. Their intervention will only exacerbate the situation. It's like giving a drunk a drink for the road."

On the federal investigation of National Lampoon, Scott L. writes:
"'Once again, the e-mail, people.' Classic line."

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