This entry into the Funny Business Fake Bernie Madoff apology/confession/excuse comes from "Helena Handbasket."
(Last day to submit! Tomorrow we begin voting.)
"You want me to confess? Ok, I’ll confess.
"It was really very simple. Every week I would turn the new investor money into cash and put it in the secret vault in my office. The 17th floor always had Fridays off. I would come in early to count the money and get it ready. Around 12:30 the current fake SEC Chairman would come for a visit. Fake Christopher Cox was my favorite! He was really into it. Anyhow, we would roll around in the money naked and watch CNBC. It was just good, clean, fun. Except for that one time in October...
"After we had a good roll around in the money I would put it all in the money grab machine I got as a gag gift years ago. Then the fake chairman would get in and I would turn on the machine. However much money the chairman could grab in 3 minutes would be the returns for the old schmucks, I mean investors. On Saturdays my wife and I would go shopping with the rest. We loved shopping together! So really, I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I mean it was the fake SEC who was regulating how much money was returned. I always said, I was going to take their money. I never promised to return it."
"Fake Bernie Madoff"
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