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Odds On Inaugural Speech, Free Eye Surgery For "Obama", The Tarp Song and Citi-Morg!

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Photo By: Matthias Kötter

Where to begin on this auspicious day!

First, the oddsmakers are out with what they expect to hear in Barack Obama's inaugural speech. USA Online Casino, has "even odds" that the new President will mention God less than two and a half times (what is half of "God"?).

The odds are 10/11 that Abraham Lincoln will be the first U.S. President he refers to.

But Irish bookmaker Paddy Power has gone much further.

Here are some of the odds he has on the speech's length and contents.

Length: currently the best odds are 22-25 minutes, (9/4 odds)

First Celebrity shown in the crowd: Oprah leads (7/4)

Which of the following phrases will come first in the speech?

  • Change has come (8/1)
  • As I stand here today (12/1)
  • Defining moment (12/1)
  • Let me be clear (14/1)
  • It won't be easy (18/1)
  • Don't get me wrong (20/1)
  • We'll have to make hard choices (25/1)
  • An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind (100/1)
  • Let's get ready to rumble (250/1)

My own bet: I'm predicting he will say "Eleven score and 13 years ago" (1776-2009) as an homage to Lincoln's greatest speech.

Meantime, an eye surgeon in California is offering free LASIK surgery to anyone named Barack Hussein Obama.

Dr. Rajesh Khanna is celebrating this "historic moment" by offering the vision correcting procedure to any American sharing the new President's name. "A birth certificate will need to be provided in order to verify the name and citizenship."

Now, you might think he would be home free, right? Who could POSSIBLY be named Barack Hussein Obama? Looks like a few people are.

Here's a quick check onPhonebook.com. Obviously some of the Barack H. Obama's listed here—in Chicago and Washington, DC—may be our new Commander in Chief. But there are other Barack H. Obamas on the list, along with some whose middle names are unknown.

THE TARP SONG TAKE TWO

First you heard it, now you see it Bill Zucker has managed to scrape together a camera phone and a few friends, plus a homeless guy and some odd web photos, to create a video for his CNBC-famous song, "I Want My Tarp".

Folks, who would've ever guessed that the actions of the Treasury Department would grab more headlines than the Defense Department or the State Department.

Note this update - The correct title of the song is actually, "I Want Some Tarp"

CONGRATS TO OUR WINNER

Finally, congratulations to Henry Schwarz, who submitted the winning new name for Morgan Stanley Smith Barney in our Funny Business contest: CITI-Morg.

Many people suggested this name, but Henry suggested it first. Well done! Thanks to everyone who wrote in suggestions, and everyone who voted.

Now, let me find that CNBC cap I promised him as a prize...

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com