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Funny Contests and Some Attainable Goals

We all want to be winners, but few of us will win an Olympic Medal, a Super Bowl ring, or an Oscar. Here are a few more attainable goals.

The Demotivator Caption Contest
Source: despair.com
The Demotivator Caption Contest

The Onion Sports Network has purchased one second of ad time during the Super Bowl. One whole second. It is taking submissions from viewers for an ad that will best promote its SportsDome programon Comedy Central.

The winning ad can only last ... one second. How hard can it be? Harder than you think. At last check, the submission getting the most play was the one involving monkeys. Blink and you'll miss it.

A contest which will take a little more time and creativity is "The Fun Theory." Volkswagen is rewarding ideas which change the way we act by making good behavior fun.

While the concept may make you feel a tad manipulated, the ideas show a creativity sadly lacking in government "solutions" to problems like speedy drivers or people who won't recycle. Sometimes I just think we should outsource everything.

For you pithy wordsmiths who never win the New York Times Cartoon Caption Contest, here's something far snarkier--the Despair.com caption contest. Come up with something appropriately sarcastic about this poster and win $750!

Past winners include the following caption to a car driving straight into a massive tornado: "Perseverance: The Courage to Ignore the Obvious Wisdom of Turning Back."

Finally, an easy one. Nominate the worst TV show of 2010. Anyone remember "Hank" starring Kelsey Grammer? Hollywood Temp Dairies is holding what it calls The Bennie Awards (named after former NBC entertainment chief Ben Silverman).

You can also vote for the "Pushing Daisies" award to recognize the show least deserving of cancellation last year. The nominees are: Better off Ted, Caprica, Huge, Lone Star, and Terriers. I don't even remember Huge. Guess it wasn't that ... huge.

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com