Ee-Ee! Ooh-Ooh! Animals Get Pink Slips at Bronx Zoo

Think you’ve got problems finding a job? Yeah, well at least you have opposable thumbs.

Dramatic Lemur
Dramatic Lemur

Faced with a $15 million budget shortfall, the Bronx Zoo, like other zoos across the country, is being forced to lay off some of the animals in addition to their human counterparts.

The 265-acre wildlife refuge in the middle of New York's concrete jungle is closing four exhibits and giving pink slips to hundreds of animals, including deer, bats, porcupines, foxes, lemurs and antelopes, the AP reported.

What's a laid-off lemur to do? What kind of job can you get if you’re a porcupine?

You can’t type. You can’t work a cash register. The Lion King and Madagascars 1 and 2 have already been cast. And let’s just say, with the unemployment rate barreling toward 10 percent, there aren’t many positions open that require skills such as waddling around and licking salty things.

When reached for comment, one of the night monkeys said: “Ee-ee … ooh-ooh… ah-ah!,” then threw a handful of excrement at the paparazzi.

Arleen the antelope took a long drag on her cigarette and then replied: “Are you, #$%^-ing kidding me?”

Words failed the lemur when he learned of the news, but his reply was no less dramatic:

Then he promptly ate the pink slip.

But don't worry about where the next banana's coming from: These New Yorkers are going to be shipped off to other zoos across the country. You'll recognize them because they talk faster and are more surly than the animals from other regions of the country.

You lookin' at me?

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