Christmas Week Starts Off With Lump of Coal

It's only Monday, and I'm thinking of calling in sick the rest of the week.

Source: Getty Images

Here are just a few of the headlines which greeted me this morning.

Everyone in America—even those in Alaska and Hawaii—will enjoy a rare lunar eclipse on Monday, except California. The Golden State is being hit by storms of Biblical proportions. Coincidence?

As TSA agents try to figure out how and where to touch Americans over the holidays, and as Mexican drug wars are holding our southern neighbor hostage, Department of Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano has announced that DHS will create a task force to cope with the effects of—hold onto your life preserver—climate change on homeland security. Please, let's get a handle on domestic terrorism and the borders first.

Even football's gone crazy. Best headline on this morning: Suspicious package at Newark Airport not dangerous, just contains the Giants 4th quarter defense.

Finally, water causes cancer.

We're gonna need a Christmas miracle.

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