These Boots Were Made for Hobbling


My feet are killing me.

The fashion trend of wearing sky high stilettos may the most diabolical plot yet to hold women down.

I'd almost rather see the return of bare midriffs with disastrous human muffin tops, or Mike Tyson-like Maori facial tattoos, than endure the crippling hobble I'm forced to perform in my trendy new boots.

I'm at Conexpo in Las Vegas, a massive construction equipment show with 120,000 people.


Cross-crossing the hall interviewing executives and sales managers is putting more pounds-per-square-inch pressure on the balls of my feet than the space shuttle boosters thrust out.

A Consumer Reports ShopSmart survey says 60 percent of women "are willing to tolerate painful shoes for fashion's sake," according to WSYR.

This is why we won't run the world!

You can't keep up with anybody in these things!

Forget all those gross shots of ballet dancers' feet in "Black Swan."

At least they were wearing flats!

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This is murder!

At least my legs look good.

But I may never walk again.

I think I'd better sit down.

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