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Extreme Makeover: Middle Earth Edition

We love "amending" our bodies. Plastic surgery procedures were up five percent in 2010.

We enhance, remove, reshape, ink up. We cut, laser, pierce, inject.

But this?

A new trend among some young people, especially out west, is surgery to reshape their ears.

Not to stop them from sticking out.

Not to trim up the lobes.

vulcan_ear_200.jpg
Source: blastr.com

Instead, the new surgery cuts cartilage at the top of the earand restitches what remains to create points, like you'd see on elves in Middle Earth or Vulcans on "Star Trek".

"Elves are sexy," writes Mike Fahey at Kotaku. "Vulcans are sexy. Pointy ears in general are sexy, but not so sexy that we'd carve ourselves up to get them." By the way, elves and Vulcans aren't real. Just sayin.

ABC reports that the surgery is painful (duh) and hard to reverse. At least you can remove a tattoo with lasers. How do you fix pointed ears when you outgrow your obsession with Tolkien--assuming you do--or Mr. Spock--assuming you will?

Fahey, no stranger to body art, says this is not a good idea. You don't say! He points out that the procedure is not done by doctors, but by "body modification artists" who "have no access to anesthesia." Drink ahead of time? "They aren't even supposed to work on someone if they suspect they may be intoxicated, so not even booze will dull the pain of having your upper ear cut in two and then sewn back together."

MAKE IT STOP!

What's next? Gollum eyes? Borg implants? The double naval rocked by Marriette Hartley in Gene Roddenberry's "Genesis II"?

Please, before you try this at home, buy these first for $8.80, wear them for a year, and see if you change your mind. Cutting your ears is probably not the way to live long and prosper.

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com