The Zooey Indicator

Zooey Deschanel
Todd Williamson | WireImage | Getty Images
Zooey Deschanel

I know Zooey Deschanel is talented, beautiful, funny, and successful. But I'm tempted to join her legions of haters. She's just so...adorable. Blech.

Making fun of the star of Fox's "New Girl" has become something of an underground past time. Her recent Apple Siri ad was parodied by Conan O'Brien.

In the spoof, Deschanel tells Siri she plans to start dancing. Siri replies, "I hate you. Please, someone, free my soul from this prison."

The most hilarious parody, however, is on Twitter, where “Zooey’s Siri” posts all the things Deschanel naively asks her iPhone to track down or remember. Here are a few of my recent favorites.

  • Siri, find me a list of goat-themed ice breakers.
  • Siri, make a note: "A show about a fox who solves crimes while pretending to be a dog."
  • Siri, add "Frugal bugle / And heads full of noodle" to my list of song lyrics
  • Siri, isn't skin the real fabric of our lives?
  • Siri, make a note: "Cog, the Smog Alert Frog."
  • Siri, do you think I'll live to see a female Dalai Lama?

The Daily Beast discovered the writer behind @ZooeySiriis 22-year-old Curtis Dickerson, who's just graduated from Miami University of Ohio. He got the idea for the Twitter feed after his roommate saw the Siri commercial with Deschanel and commented, "That was stupid." Dickerson has amassed more than 27,000 followers since launching in early May, and he explained to the Daily Beast how he comes up with the funny observations. "Basically, I get drunk and write like 30 at a time, then I just keep 10 of the better ones.”

I asked Dickerson if there's a chance he could turn this into a money-making career. After all, suburban housewife Kelly Oxford has just sold a scriptto Warner Brothers and is writing a pilot for NBC, all because her observations in 140 characters have drawn more than 350,000 followers.

"I don’t think there’s a way to make money from this Twitter specifically," says Dickerson. "Some people do sponsored tweets, and those are paid, but I have mixed feelings about that." He is currently working as a bartender, but he's following a friend to Los Angeles later this summer to check it out. "I’d like to make a living writing something. I really like writing fiction, but I think I’d have a great time writing for television."

Why does Deschanel irritate him so? "I think it’s because the more you watch her, you realize the whole thing’s intentional. Marilyn Monroe used to pretend to be stupid to seem more attractive or appealing, so that’s nothing new or nothing to be ashamed of, but this new trend of pretending to be weird is grating because there’s nothing cute about pretending to be a child."

Perhaps we are all too hard on the girl.

What has Zooey Deschanel done to hurt anyone?

In fact, one could argue she's a positive economic indicator!

Since her show debuted on Fox in September 20, 2011, the Dow is up 12 percent, median home prices are up seven percent, and the unemployment rate has dropped nearly a full percentage point. Not to mention that shares of Fox parent News Corp. are up nearly 30 percent.

More Zooey please, even if I have to turn away.

When Dickerson comes to Los Angeles, what if he actually runs into Zooey Deschanel? "I wouldn’t be insulting or anything," he replies. "I'm sure she’s a nice person, and she’s obviously very successful for a reason. I’d probably say that I really liked Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.” He has toyed with starting a second Twitter parody but is concerned it may take up too much time. "I think a feed of rejected Terrence Malick movie ideas would be really funny, but I’m too lazy to do it and could probably only think of ten, so if someone wants that idea, it’s theirs.”

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