While many a female Wall Street trader might secretly wish that Dimon would call, maybe ("Your stare was holdin', ripped jeans, skin was showin'"), the janitors in Houston are not smitten by the CEO.
One of them, Adriana Vasquez, famously confronted Dimon at a congressional hearing in June, demanding that she and her co-workers earn a living wage. The SEIU claims Dimon told Vasquez, "Call my office," and so she did. Several times. Vasquez says Dimon never called her back.
The union wants people to email Dimon to "keep his promise." Its online mocking of the CEO includes a picture of Dimon testifying before Congress, as Vasquez sits nearby with a thought bubble which tweaks Jepsen's lyrics to, "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But call me, Jamie."
JPMorgan Chase tells me Vasquez has never called. Ever. The bank says after Dimon's testimony, JPMorgan representatives asked Vasquez for her number, but they claim she refused to provide it. They also say they followed up with the SEIU.
"If she calls us, we will call her back," says a bank representative.
From the bank's side, it's not "Call me, Jamie", but a case of Blondie — "Call me, call me any, anytime!"
JP Morgan doesn't hire its janitors directly. The bank is too busy trying to figure out exactly how many billions it lost in complex European hedges.
Instead, the bank says the building where Vasquez has worked, Chase Tower, merely has a Chase branch inside. The firm says it has nothing to do with managing the building or contracting out the cleaning crews.
Jackeline Stewart, representing the union, insists Vasquez did call the company "more than once" and spoke to an employee in July, who said "she was recording the phone call in order to pass it along." Vasquez says no one ever asked her for her number after the congressional hearing.
"It’s heartening that it sounds like JP Morgan is really interested in speaking with Adriana," says Stewart. "She would welcome any opportunity to speak with Mr. Dimon."
While operators are standing by for calls to go one direction or another, Vasquez and her co-workers are in the third week of a strike, claiming the cleaning contractors which hired them "still refuse to boost wages more than 50 cents over 5 years."
The union says some janitors make as little as $9,000 a year. "Jamie Dimon makes $9,000 every 49 minutes." Unless he's given it to the London Whale.
UPDATE: Adriana Vasquez has now made a music video, apparently with some of her co-workers holding mops. Ok, best part, you have to wait TIL THE VERY END, as Vasquez asks, “Jamie, are you there?”