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Paris Hilton Released: What Should She Do? (Tell Me)

Paris Hilton
AP
Paris Hilton

Paris the Thought:It all starts anew this week. With Ms. Hilton leaving jail, email me with suggestions on how she might effectively rebrand herself. Seeking big money from networks has backfired--especially since she doesn't actually need money. Perhaps she should have said the dough would be donated to programs that help inmates.

Yes, it's easy to crack wise (and feel free to!), but, seriously, what should she do now? There's a CNBC coffee mug in it for the most thoughtful reply.

THE PLACE TO PLAY THE GOLF
Barclays has renamed its “Barclays Classic” golf tournament “The Barclays.” Like it’s the Berkshires or the Hamptons or something. The new name kicks off the first stop on the new PGA TOUR FedExCup playoffs. No reason is given for the name change. Maybe the global financial giant no longer likes the sound of the “Barclays Classic,” because that sounds…dated, like saying “FedEx Cup,” instead of “FedExCup.” IDon’tGetIt. ButThat’sTheWayItIs. Not only is the tournament being rechristened, they’re also coming up with a summer-long television show called, “The Road to The Barclays.” Maybe this is the new way of saying (the) things. Like, “The Road to The Perdition.” Or, “the road to the nowhere.”

LET THE BED BAGS BITE
Meantime, over at the Target . According to a release sent my way, the retailer is rolling out a new mattress “wrap” for campers which fights bed bugs. I want to call it the Bed Bag, but that’s just me. The wraps are made by a new company called CleanRest, which claims parents are sending six million kids off to camp during what “is expected to be one of the worst summer seasons yet for bed bug outbreaks in the U.S.” But here’s what’s biting me: they’re starting the rollout in Los Angeles, which hasn't had any notable bed bug breakouts. And kids in Los Angeles don’t usually go away to camp. They go to the beach. It’s like rolling out a new sunblock in Maine.

MEETING MADNESS
More pearls of wisdom from "TheJendra" (there's that "the" thing again), a 17-year IT veteran in Bangalore who wrote "Diary of a Tired CTO." He (she?) has posted on GeekLeaders.comsuggestions for making meetings more interesting. TheJendra says you should occasionally hold meetings that have nothing to do with business! This can actually improve working relations and “even lift you to a different plane of self consciousness that can help you inside and outside the workplace.”

WOW! Now, I subscribe to the “no meeting is a good meeting” theory. So, what exactly are these consciousness-raising off-topic meetings?

1-Inspirational Quote Meetings—share quotes that can hone management skills, like, "There will be a time when loud-mouthed, incompetent people will seem to be getting the best of you. When that happens, you only have to be patient and wait for them to self-destruct. It never fails,” by Richard Rybolt. (This one I am posting on my desk.)
2-Stress management meetings—talk about your problems. Great.
3-Life of a Great Leader Meetings—no, you don’t discuss Kim Jong ll, but Gandhi. Your troubles were nothing compared to his.
4-Gift a book meeting—give each other management self-help books (yikes, the at-work book club!)
5-Family and Health Issues Meetings—more talking about your problems. (Frankly, I get enough of that at work already.)
6-Financial Planning Meeting (nope)
7-Work Life Balance Meeting (how about we just work, skip the meeting, and get out earlier to have a life?)
8-Hobbies Meeting (pass)
9-Video Meetings—watch management DVDs. I think that’s what they were supposed to do on “The Office,” but they ended up watching 30-minute installments of “Varsity Blues.” Which could actually be kinda fun.

DuBuy
The government of Dubai has bought Barneys New York. My friend, News 12 New Jersey’s John Klekamp, suggests they’re renaming it DuBarneys.

Don't forget--email me and be the first person in the universe to say something useful about Paris Hilton and get a CNBC coffee mug (my gift).

Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

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  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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