Funny Business

There is a huge debate on Craigslist in New York City over a posting by someone claiming she's 25 and "spectacularly beautiful." However, she's striking out in marrying someone rich. She's approaching the dilemma like a marketing challenge, looking for tips to successfully sell herself to the highest bidder. Well, the feedback has been coming in faster than short coverings on a record setting day. One guy says that, like a stock, wealthy men would probably prefer to "trade" her, rather than "buy and hold," as she will "depreciate." Here's part of her original posting, followed by snippets of reaction:

"Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?"

One poster responded that he makes more than $500k a year but here's why her offer is a bad investment:
"Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you! By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation."

Another poster claims he makes over $1 million:
"I am sympathetic to your goal in finding a rich man to marry. The milk needs to be sold by the expiration date. Perhaps you need to make a location change to Silicon Valley - miracles like these happen almost everyday in a land where you can randomly throw a rock and hit a rich nerd squarely in  his Kim-jong Il glasses."

And then there's the female comrade-in-arms who says she makes her own money but feels her sister's pain (she also claims she found out the first guy who said to "stick a fork" in you at 35 is actually a lowly Deutsche Bank analyst only earning $150k):
"...females all over Manhattan are experiencing the same thing day in and day out and some of them aren't money grubbing sorostitutes. Well-bred gorgeous women who make their own money are finding it impossible to locate men who are of the same caliber. Its about time someone brought attention to the matter. Why is New York filled with guys who are A) career-obsessed, B) frat-loving, C) immigrants, or D) greasy B&T.

Where are the high-brow, ballroom-dancing, tuxedo-wearing Ivy League men who don't fall into any of these 4 categories and who aren't disrespectful slime balls? I have yet to solve this Manhattan mystery."

What's wrong with immigrants? And I had to research what the heck "B&T" means. It is a derogatory reference to low-life outsiders who use bridges and tunnels to get into Manhattan. Also, for me personally, the LAST guy I'd want to date would be a "ballroom-dancing, tuxedo-wearing Ivy League" man. Sorry, that's not a man. That's Thurston Howell III. But I digress. For more, read the post.

DELL'S DEVIL PEOPLE
Newsday reports a New York couple is suing Dell

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[DELL  Loading...      ()   ] for allegedly replacing a broken computer with more broken computers, and then a tech support person allegedly SENT THE COUPLE PICTURES OF "DEVIL PEOPLE IN EAST ASIA." The couple claims the photos depicted "Asians dissecting and eating infants." The wife claims all that, plus late night calls from IT, caused her to suffer "severe permanent injuries and emotional distress." Guess how much the couple is suing for? Come on. Guess. $100,000? $500,000? $1 million? COME ON. THIS IS AMERICA! Newsday reports the couple is seeking $50.5 million.

MORE NOMINATIONS FOR BRANDING THE FARM REPORT
From Tim J: No Farm, No Fowl (ooo, that's good)

From Lisa: Plow Shares, Jane's Live Stocks, Entremanures

Ok, I don't know which, if any, management is going to pick. But I may have to just outright STEAL "entremanures" for the blog when reporting farming gone bad.

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