A friend forwarded me an ad on Craigslist which pitches the services of the greatest holiday must-have ever—a Criticism Deflector.
"Perhaps you're the least successful of a number of siblings and will be reminded of this bleak reality ad nauseam during the long weekend," the adbegan in originally pitching the service for Thanksgiving. "If you're losing sleep over the possibility of yet another Power Point presentation on the reasons why calling your life a failure is too good for you; then I can help."
The ad offers the services of a man in Asheville, North Carolina, who's willing to come to dinner with you and appear to be an even bigger failure than you are. This would make you look better.
"Don't be the most piteous person in the room, have the satisfaction of watching your pathetic proxy wear out your source of negativity."
The seller charges by the hour and offers several different packages: Loser ex-boyfriend, roommate who can't get life together, and co-worker with obvious drug/mental problems.
Too bad Thanksgiving passed. I could've used this guy.
I reached out to the seller to see if his services are still available for Hanukkah and Christmas.
I also got the hilarious back story on how the listing came to be.