SHORT KATO KAELIN WITH BUY LIMIT ORDER
The world's most famous freeloading house guest tells the New York Post's Cindy Adams that, yes, O.J. Simpson really is a murderer. Thanks, Kato. Does a lot of good now.
The bigger surprise here is that Kato is still somehow supporting himself. Perhaps you should consider a Buy Limit Order at a 50 percent discount to Kato's current trading level, since he's shown himself capable of staying fed and clothed. Only in LA, kids, only in LA.
TAKE SOME PROFITS ON JERRY JONES
You don't ever want to short America's team, but the Cowboys did fumble the domain name Cowboys.com. According to The Dallas Morning News, team owner Jerry Jones chose not to pay $275,000 for the website name when it came up for sale in 2007. Dumb move, and now it's come back to bite him.
After years of sitting dormant, Cowboys.com came to life this morning as "an online dating community for men who enjoy the same country living lifestyle." While the database does allow men to search for women, the vibe tilts toward Brokeback Mountain. "Are you a country western cowboy looking for a man to ride into the sunset with? Come and create relationship with singles share your appreciation for the country way of life." Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
GO LONG SUGAR BEAR
Nothing will keep Honey Boo Boo down. The TLC show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" centers around the family of an out of control child beauty contestant. Critics say it sets a new low in reality TV. Everyone in the family has a nickname, and there's even a website to generate one for you (mine is "Jinxy Weeper").
The Boo Boos are laughing all the way to the bank. They are also indestructible, a fact illustrated this week when Sugar Bear, the child's father, avoided amputation despite a nasty leg wound suffered while "mug boggin".
DOUBLE DOWN ON ROBIN ROBERTS CALLS
For pure inspiration, look no further than Robin Roberts. The "Good Morning America" anchor is undergoing a bone marrow transplant Thursday to fight a blood disorder called myelodysplastic syndrome, or MDS. She's getting the marrow from her sister, Sally-Ann Roberts, so buy some calls on sis, too, while you're at it. Roberts released a message to supporters this morning, saying, "You’ve got to change the way you think in order to change the way you feel. And let me just say this lastly, I feel the love and I thank you for it. Thank you."
—By CNBC's Jane Wells
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