5 ‘sorry’ phrases that make you look insecure—and what to say instead: Harvard-trained expert

Saying "sorry" for things that don't merit an apology often stems from a desire to show respect, gain external validation or avoid conflict. And while it may seem harmless, it could be detrimental to your reputation.

Apologizing too much projects a lack conviction in your opinions, which may cause others to question your credibility, making you appear weak and insecure. It can also diminish the impact of a genuine apology in the future.

As a behavioral scientist and Harvard-trained leadership coach, I always encourage people to shift their language from apology to appreciation. By expressing gratitude, you leave a more positive impression.

Here are five "sorry" phrases to drop, and what to say instead:

When you offer an apology for requiring someone's time, it can imply that the act of helping you is a burden or inconvenience. This could make them less willing to help again later on.

What to say instead: Acknowledge the person's contributions and highlight the positive impact of their actions.

• "I appreciate you taking the time to give feedback."
• "Your support means a lot to me. I couldn't have finished the project without you."

Apologizing for talking detracts from your message. If you start to feel like you're taking up a lot of stage time, simply pause and let the audience digest the information.

What to say instead: Express gratitude for the opportunity to speak or share your thoughts. This positive approach still acknowledges the value of people's time and attention.

• "Thank you for listening. I appreciate the chance to share my ideas with you."
• "Your willingness to hear me out means a lot to me."

When you apologize for expressing emotions, you create a restrictive atmosphere, which isn't conducive to building healthy relationships. It may also unintentionally discourage others from sharing their feelings.

What to say instead: Point out the other person's role in the conversation and express appreciation for their patience and empathy. This validates your emotions as a natural and important part of the discussion.

• "Thank you for listening and understanding my perspective. I feel strongly about this."
• "I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, so I appreciate your support."

Assuming the delay hasn't caused major damage or inconvenience, apologizing emphasizes the negative and could imply that the other person's time was wasted, making you appear unreliable or unprofessional.

What to say instead: Rather than highlighting the delay, show that you value the other person's time by recognizing their willingness to be patient and accommodating.

• "Thank you for your patience."
• "Thank you for waiting. I appreciate your understanding and flexibility."

Apologizing for small mistakes can suggest that you lack the capability or competence to perform well. This ultimately damages your self-esteem and leaves people uncertain about how to respond.

What to say instead: Expressing gratitude for the other person's patience and support can help build a more positive and constructive conversation.

• "Your guidance has been really helpful as I learn."
• "Thank you for helping me be better at my job."

Shadé Zahrai is an award-winning behavioral strategist and Harvard-trained leadership coach. Recognized as one of the Top 50 Most Impactful People of LinkedIn, she runs Influenceo Global Inc., a leadership development and research firm that works with Fortune 500s across the globe including McDonald's, Microsoft, Proctor & Gamble & JP Morgan. Follow her on LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok.

Don't miss:

• Want to sound and feel more confident? Ditch these 11 phrases from your vocabulary, say psychologists
• 5 passive-aggressive phrases that 'make people respect you less': Public speaking expert
• A psychology expert shares 7 toxic phrases ‘highly insecure’ people always use—and how to deal with them

Want to be smarter and more successful with your money, work & life? Sign up for our new newsletter here

Get CNBC's free report, 11 Ways to Tell if We're in a Recession, where Kelly Evans reviews the top indicators that a recession is coming or has already begun.