Psychology and Relationships

How to navigate becoming your friend's boss, according to a workplace therapist

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Fifty-one percent of employees say they have a best friend at work, according to a recent Glassdoor survey

Although there are clear benefits to having close relationships at work — employees tend to be more engaged, feel more supported and less stressed — office friendships can lead to uncomfortable situations. 

A tricky scenario that might arise is one friend being promoted and expected to manage the other, says Brandon Smith, a career coach and therapist known as The Workplace Therapist. 

If you suddenly become your friend's boss, you'll have to navigate a new set of interactions, some of which have the potential to cause friction.

Here's how to approach three common, but uncomfortable, situations in a respectful way.

Your friend doesn't take your directives seriously 

It might be hard for your friend to see someone who was an equal as an authority figure. This might result in your friend missing a deadline or shrugging off tasks. 

"The No. 1 most common issue that comes up is that a friend doesn't take your request as a manager as seriously," Smith says. 

This not only affects productivity, but how you're perceived as a manager by others, Smith says. 

"Friends who are not taking the expectations or requests as seriously as everyone else can cause a problem," Smith says. "Other people notice and it starts to look like you're playing favorites and the rest of the team won't take you seriously as a manager."

The No. 1 most common issue that comes up is that a friend doesn't take your request as a manager as seriously.
Brandon Smith
The Workplace Therapist

To handle this, set aside some time to chat with your friend about how their performance is reflecting on both of you. 

"First, reaffirm the relationship," Smith says. "Make sure the person doesn't think this is about how you feel about them as a friend." 

Ask that they complete tasks on time and then communicate how them not doing so could affect the way each of you is perceived in the office. 

Smith offers up the following script: 

"It's going to start to look like I'm playing favorites and that could cause an issue with the team. And I don't want people to think you're skating by because we are friends. I don't want your brand to get damaged because we are friends." 

They are too candid at team meetings

Your friend likely knows more details about your personal life than others on your team. At a meeting, they might bring up something you said over the weekend or at a post-work happy hour.

This can feel alienating to the rest of the team and make it hard for them to respect you. 

Similar to the previous scenario, sit your friend down and have a conversation about how you value the friendship, but don't want it to bleed into team meetings. 

Smith suggests saying something like: 

"Hey, I love our friendship, but when we are in these team meetings I want to make sure you and I don't talk about inside jokes or things that aren't on the agenda." 

Your friend expects you to give them a raise

With the previous two scenarios, Smith says you don't really have to address them until they become a persistent problem. Other situations, though, might be smart to tackle before they have a chance to occur.

If you sense a friend might be expecting a bigger pay bump due to your relationship, you might want to talk to them before their performance review. 

"Sit down with them and say, "Our friendship is important to me, but during performance review time I'm going to really treat it very objectively. If it was up to me, I would give you all of the money, but it wouldn't look good,'" Smith says. 

Setting the expectation that your friendship won't play into bonuses or raises can sooth potential friction down the road.

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