Fighting with someone at home can make you more helpful at work, new study suggests
An unresolved conflict at home can leave you with a knot in your stomach, one that doesn't go away just because you walk through your office doors or log onto your office Slack.
That conflict might be affecting your work in ways you didn't expect, according to new research published in the Journal of Applied Psychology: While it might negatively impact your mood and energy, it might also make you more helpful.
Researchers found that workers who had an "uncivil" pre-work interaction coped by offering help to their colleagues, both personally and professionally.
Post-argument, workers were in a bad mood, but still helped others
The report had a few different studies. In one study of 226 people, employees were asked to recall a recent civil or uncivil interaction. Those who recalled an uncivil one were more depleted or in a worse mood than those who recalled civil ones.
In another study, researchers interviewed 111 dual-income couples. One partner was tracked for their mood and how much they helped others during their workday. The other partner was asked if they had "instigated incivility" before work.
Those whose partners started a fight with them that morning reported both being in a bad mood at work and helping others more.
Finding 'connection' at work can help refill your bucket
Helping co-workers with personal problems actually put employees in a better mood when they returned home. However, assisting colleagues in work-related tasks put employees in a worse mood.
This isn't all that surprising, says Brandon Smith, a career coach and founder of The Workplace Therapist.
"Those people at home are feeling a lack of competence, confidence, and connection," he says. "When they get into work, that's what they are looking for."
Offering counsel to co-workers on a personal matter can help you feel validated in a way you aren't feeling at home. You're "refilling a bucket" that isn't getting filled at home, Smith says. Helping with work-related tasks doesn't do this, though.
Telling a co-worker how to handle their personal problems can offer a "quick and easy payoff" without any real consequences.
"I can give you advice all day long on why jumping out of an airplane is a good idea for you," Smith says. "But I didn't have to jump out of a plane. I didn't have to look over the edge and go for it. I don't have to do anything."