I study people with high emotional intelligence for a living—8 things they never ever do when talking to others
The most emotionally intelligent people have the rare ability to acknowledge not just their own emotions, but also the emotions of others. They use this information to engage the people around them and bring everyone together.
As the author of "Emotional Intelligence Game Changers: 101 Ways to Win at Life & Work," I've spent 20 years studying the habits of emotionally intelligent people. To grow and develop meaningful relationships, you have to communicate and read body language effectively.
Here are eight things people with high emotional intelligence never do when talking to others:
1. They don't focus just on themselves.
Everyone appreciates being acknowledged for something they did well and have pride in.
Doing this with sincerity ensures that you will be remembered in a positive light — putting you in a category above all the people who haven't seemed to notice.
2. They don't force their opinions onto others.
When you argue with someone or make them feel coerced, they will naturally become defensive and erect barriers. This will work against your persuasive efforts.
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Instead, allow the other person to feel that they are in control of the situation by inviting them to talk while you actively listen.
3. They don't say, "It's not my responsibility."
Exceptional employees will not walk past a problem or something they could help with just because it's not in their job description.
They're always willing to share their time and knowledge. They view their role as a key part of larger whole and often look for ways to contribute to the organization.
4. They don't waste their time with just anybody.
Mentally tough and self-aware people hang out with other positive-thinking individuals with whom they share common goals and aspirations. They support one another and celebrate each other's achievements.
Negative people, on the other hand, will only drain your energy. When you're around them, do your best to tune out the noise and limit your interaction.
5. They don't let anything distract them when others are speaking.
Have you ever spoken with someone who was distracted, glancing at other people in a crowd, or checking their watch while you were speaking? You likely felt you were not important to that person.
Make others aware that you are focused by facing them squarely, smiling and making eye contact.
6. They don't forget the little details.
When you meet someone for the first time, repeat their name and sprinkle it throughout the conversation.
Remember things that are important, such as the names of their partner, children, pets or favorite vacation spots. By doing so and mentioning them at appropriate times the next time you see them, you'll stand out.
As your relationship deepens, consider taking note of important dates (e.g. their birthday or anniversary), and then send cards or call on those dates.
7. They stay away from offensive or tasteless jokes.
Simply put, if there is any possibility that someone may find a joke offensive, don't say it. It is one of the quickest ways to turn people off, because it indicates a huge deficit of awareness and sensitivity.
8. They don't do all the talking.
Emotionally intelligent people try to listen and discern more about a situation.
They ask questions that allow the other person an opportunity to better express themselves and understand how he or she is acting and feeling.
Your questions might open a pathway for more meaningful conversation and resolution.
Harvey Deutschendorf is an emotional intelligence researcher and author of "Emotional Intelligence Game Changers: 101 Simple Ways to Win at Work & Life." He has worked in the field of EQ for more than 20 years and is an active member of the ManKind Project and Toastmasters. Follow him on Twitter.
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