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Go Writers, Go! Have You "A Cat In The Hat?"

The young guard in Hollywood are taking the strike to heart--it's truly infiltrating every part of the social world here--even parties. But at least everyone is still writing, Dr. Seuss-inspired poems, that is. And the sense of humor still seems to be good.

I laughed so hard when I got this in an email I wanted to share it with my blog readers. If you've been following the strike you'll find it pretty hilarious. This is an invite from a bunch of junior execs at the studios who live together in a big house in the Hollywood hills. For some context--Nick Counter is the negotiator for the AMPTP (the producers), Veronne is Patric Veronne, the president of WGA West. And Nikki Finke writes a popular blog, www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com.

So here's a bit of insight into what people are really doing with all their extra time during the strike:

Every roommate
Down in Hollywoodville,
Liked the holidays a lot...
But the Guilds,
Who lived just south of Hollywood,
Did NOT!

The Guilds hated Christmas!
They striked the whole season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that their heads weren't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that dividends on residuals were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that the studios' hearts were two sizes too small.

But, whatever the reason,
If you're starting to groan
Every time someone utters the name Patrick Verrone...
Or if Nick Counter's jargon has made you unable to think,
And you're tired of reading the blogs of one Nikki Finke...
Then forget all this striking, the posturing, the hating,
And come to our home for some holiday celebrating.

With us roomies, young and old, we'll sit down to a feast.
We'll start on champagne, and rare studio-roast-beast
Which will be something the Guilds won't stand in the least!
Verrone will then think, "There's no fun allowed now!

I MUST stop this holiday party from coming!
...But HOW?"
Then he'll get an idea!
An awful idea!
A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

Verrone will meet with Counter and they'll say "here's what we'll do...
We'll prolong this strike, fire assistants, and cut overtime too!"
They will chuckle, and cluck, "What a great Grinchy trick!
Patrick will say, "Well you've ruined December, you ol' stingy Nick!"
They will stand there on Chaunukah, Christmas and Kwanza,

Hating everyone for not giving in to their demandz-a,
Staring down from their offices with sour, Grinchy frowns,
At us warm-lighted revelers below in Hollywood town.
For they'll know all us low-level peons beneath,
Will be too busy making out below the mistleoe wreath.

"That's a thought," snarled the picketers, "That I simply can't bear!"
And just then they will pause, and put their hands to their ears.
And over the hill, sounds of our party will rise...
Higher than Larry King's cholesterol after chili cheese fries.
They'll hear of our perfect party, as if in some holiday fable,
And perhaps, just perhaps, they'll say "let's go back to the bargaining table!"

Verrone and Counter talking rationally, what a shocking surprise!
This may all go down right before our very own eyes.
Yes, that's right, they're invited, but it's a limited few.
Don't bring that slut from rehab, this invite's just for you.
We're trying to keep it small and full of holiday cheer,
More cocktails, eggnog, and desserts, much less of our rufied beer.

It's not that our Halloween party wasn't fully replete with class,
That is of course, if you didn't mind snorting coke off some girl's ass.
So we'll try to avoid a return of those ridiculous two cops,
Who instead of making arrests, were giving the trashiest girls mad props.

We'll warm by the fire, far from the strike and our work,
Just remember to bring food or drink, or we'll whisper "what a jerk."
The Guild and the AMPTP might suddenly see,
That the holidays aren't about contracts and me, me, me, ME!

"Having fun without residuals, how could it be so?"...
...they'll say as they walk across all our fake snow.
"The party came without clauses! It came without talks!
It came without backchanneling, bargaining or picketing walks!"

They won't stop the party from coming, yes, you heard right!
It'll happen December XXth, at our house, that Saturday night!
Verrone and Counter will puzzle for hours, till their puzzlers are sore
Then these grinchy men will think of something they hadn't thought before.

"Maybe the holidays," they'll think, "are about something more.
Friends, food... and guzzling alcohol galore."
Those two old drunks will then resolve the strike...
That means our bonuses are coming! Oh what a night!
All us who's down in Hollywoodville, will party till dawn,
And oh fine, forget class, just pass out in our lawn.

So let us know if you can come, details of course to follow,
Without your shining faces it will all feel so hollow.
Get there early to drink and to enjoy the dessert feast,
And maybe you'll see Verrone himself, carve the roast beast!

Questions? Comments? MediaMoney@cnbc.com

  • Working from Los Angeles, Boorstin is CNBC's media and entertainment reporter and editor of CNBC.com's Media Money section.