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Barry Manilow Sings The Mortgage Blues--Sort Of

Gregory Greenway of Brew City Mortgage (LOVE that name), sent me his new lyrics for the Manilow hit "I Write the Songs," called "I Closed the Loans":

I've been a liar forever and I closed the very first loan
I put the banks and the borrowers together
I'm unlicensed and I closed the loans

[CHORUS]

I closed the loans that made the whole world sink
I closed the loans that put us on the brink
I closed the loans that made homeowners cry
I closed the loans, I closed the loans
My phone hides my extension
And I pulled your credit via fraud
Now, when I answer angry calls
I shy away, even though I'm very proud

[Chorus]

Oh, my prepay makes me dance
And gives you no chance to refinance
And I closed some purchases so you can move
Stating is an art
But it's an easy place to start
It's from me, it's for you
It's from you, it's for me
It's a worldwide bankruptcy

[Chorus]

I'm unlicensed (useless) and I closed the loans

YOUR EMAIL--I'M A BUM:

On my earlier post about Southwest Airlines, where I said that for the first time, a fellow passenger of mine was, well, a bum, Charles G. writes:
"That might have been you except for the grace of God."

He's absolutely right.

Suzanne B. weighs in on the Boeing protest of the tanker contract:
"Since Boeing cannot build their own commercial aircraft without horrendous delays, why should our USAF expect them to perform on the KC-45 Tanker any differently. They are acting like children with their whining and protests. I pray the GAO puts its review on the Fast Track so those new Northrop tankers can be airborne as soon as possible."

And more on the mortgage mess.

From Anonymous:
"Where were the members of Congress when mortgage brokers were writing 'no-doc' loans to people who could not even afford to make the first monthly payment, let alone a down payment? Where was Congress when big lenders and appraisal management companies were 'black-listing' real estate appraisers who were considered 'uncooperative'??? (Yes, I'm a real estate appraiser.)...I feel for the rich of our society since it has been at least a generation since they have seen the ground floor; some have never...Many women (no offense) and men are addicted to the chemical that is released when they make a purchase with a credit card. Now that the home equity piggy bank is empty, you're going to see a lot of junkies walking around looking for a fix."

From Micah D.:
"During the boom years 2004-2006, both banking and builders turned record profits. They paid their upper management record bonus checks. Now we citizens are being held hostage to paying them again. I bought 5 rent houses (2004-2006); however due to paying my bills on time, I'm excluded from any relief and burned for others bad debt. This is not free market capitalism!!!"

Questions? Comments? Funny Stories? Email funnybusiness@cnbc.com

  • Based in Los Angeles, Jane Wells is a CNBC business news reporter and also writes the Funny Business blog for CNBC.com.

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