Parents use all kinds of adorable language when they’re talking to their kids — “A doo doo doo! A da da da! Yes. Who’s my pretty girl?”
But at the end of a long day of work or taking care of the family, schlepping around a Winnie the Pooh bag and suppressing every profanity-laced thought, when parents find their little angels still bouncing with energy, most of them are thinking one thing: “Go the F*** to Sleep.”
Well, author Adam Mansbach finally said it out loud in his new book aptly titled, “Go the F*** to Sleep.”As if a bubble of relief popped on PayPal, the book shot to No. 1 on Amazon — before it was even released.
You could practically hear the collective, “Yeeeeeeeees!” from parents across the country, followed by, “Click — Buy It Now!”
The book won’t be released until next week, but its No. 1 status has been attributed to the fact that a PDF of the book in its entirety was leaked on the Internet, delivering a simultaneous win for paid and free content on the Internet. Hello, winning!
Here’s an excerpt:
“The cats nestle close to their kittens.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the f@#k to sleep.”
Of course, the book is meant to be a bedtime story for grown-ups, not the kids. But since we’re getting everything out in the open, might we also recommend: “That’s Not Your Mommy Anymore: A Zombie Tale,” and “All My Friends Are Dead,”the heartwarming true story of what happens to dinosaurs, pirates, houseplants — and the lone survivor sock from the laundry.
And, here’s one to keep in your back pocket in case you absolutely must play that card, “Monsters Eat Whiny Children.”
Isn’t reading fun?
While we're blowing off some steam, let us not forget, "The Mom Song." Sing it with me: