Jay Leno doesn't drink. Neither does fellow comedian Alonzo Bodden.
That's why it's even more fun to watch them navigate a simulated drunken-driving course on a recent episode of CNBC's "Jay Leno's Garage."
At the start of a figure-eight wet-course, dotted with orange cones and inflatable clowns, Jay and Alonzo meet with a representative of Ford's Driving Skills for Life. The program is designed to teach kids about the dangers of impaired and distracted driving, as well as to provide advanced driving techniques that teens might not learn through regular driver's ed.
To simulate being intoxicated, the comedians wear special goggles to blur their vision and body weights to mimic the physical effects of being under the influence.
Alonzo hits the course first and feels immediately impaired the moment he puts on the goggles.
"Have you put these on, Jay?" he asks. "Because I'm not sure where you went."
Soon he's swerving and weaving. Somewhere. "I don't know where the course went?" he says.
Eventually, Alonzo finds he way back to the course and promptly runs over a cone. He denies responsibility, exclaiming, "Hey, there's something wrong with this car! It's not me, I'm fine!"
Alonzo finishes the course in 3:12.08. Jay asks him how he thinks he did. To which Alonzo replies, "Fantastic. It looks like everything's still standing."
Jay corrects him, "That's because you weren't on the course at all."
Next it's Jay's turn. He starts out well.
Alonzo remarks, "You know, for the way he does this I think he might drink and drive on a regular basis. He's actually pretty good."
Smash cut to Jay plowing over one of the inflatable clowns.
Alonzo admits, "Well, I may have spoke too soon."
It's all downhill from there. Jay decides faster is better. Which, of course, leads to more clown carnage and a couple of wild tire spin-outs.
In the end, Jay's final time is 1:35.02, which is significantly faster than Alonzo's. But also rather incomplete. As Alonzo puts it, "You drove half the course in half the time."
So there is no clear winner in this contest. But there is a clear reminder: Don't drink and drive.
As Jay puts it, "This is really scary, to think people are this impaired when they're driving."
CNBC's "Jay Leno's Garage" airs Wednesdays at 10 p.m. ET.