Rejection can be a tough pill to swallow, especially when it comes directly from your boss.
Debby Soo, CEO of restaurant reservation service OpenTable, knows the feeling. Like many others, she's received countless "no's" throughout her career before finally landing promotions or new positions, she says.
Those rejections have helped her identify a reliable formula for turning a no from your boss "into a yes" — or at least something close to that.
"You have to have that perseverance, really sticking to what you want," Soo tells CNBC Make It. "You can't just ask blindly. You have to balance perseverance with strategy and reading the room."
Here's a breakdown of Soo's strategy, and how you can use it to pick yourself up after facing rejection from your boss:
Be persistent but strategic after a rejection
Don't let a "no" destroy your confidence and stop you from asking again, Soo says: "Oftentimes, a no isn't a hard no, it's a 'not yet' or 'no, but how about this?'"
Use the rejection as an opportunity to gather feedback, reflect on it and make improvements accordingly before trying again. "It's not about the number of times you ask, it's about what you've done since the last time you asked," Soo says.
If your boss rejects your request for a promotion because you lack experience with a certain program, try addressing that weakness before asking again. You could ask a colleague for tips or take an online course to teach you how to use that program before coming back to your boss.
When you're ready, Soo advises telling your boss: "This is how I improved and what I've accomplished since the last time. I'm much more ready and qualified now because I have the skills you said I lacked before."
If you think you're clearly qualified for the role, try forming a stronger argument for why you deserve it. Clearly outline why you're qualified — or at least close to being that — and why it would be a smart decision for your boss to choose you.
Make sure your request is reasonable
Framing your request around your company's needs can help, Soo says.
Maybe you're asking to fill an already-open role, or work on a project in a different department that could use an extra pair of hands. The task gets harder if you're asking your boss to create a completely new role for you.
If you can't come up with a realistic explanation for how you'd help push your company forward in a new role — or if your boss doesn't seem to understand or value what you'd bring to the table — it could be time to seek opportunities elsewhere, Soo says.
Try looking for other companies that can offer you what you need to achieve those goals, she adds.
What this strategy looks like in action
In 2013, Soo was the senior director of new markets at travel search company Kayak. The company was searching for a vice president to help run its Asia Pacific region, and Soo put herself up for the role.
Her boss, the company's then-CEO, said no. He was looking for a more seasoned candidate, he told her.
Soo says she was aware she wasn't "senior enough to be at the VP level," but her other qualifications matched the role's responsibilities, and she knew the company needed someone to fill the role. So she kept pushing for it, trying to lay out an argument focused on her relevant skills for the position.
Her new, revised pitch included her experience launching new markets for Kayak in countries like Brazil, Canada, and Poland — and her ability to speak Mandarin. "Why don't you give me a try, and you can reserve the right to hire above me if it doesn't work out?" she recalls asking her boss.
That's exactly what happened: The CEO promoted her to "senior director" of the region, and then made her vice president title official a year later.
Soo says it's just one example of many from her career. "What really matters is what you do after the 'no,'" she adds.
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