When you're inundated with opinions from family, friends, colleagues and even strangers on social media about what your life should look like, it can be hard to listen to the voice that really matters: yours.
As a psychotherapist who works primarily with millennials and Gen Z, I've found that the most overlooked skill young people need to be successful today is knowing how to tune out all that excess noise.
Here's a three-step exercise to help you get there:
Step 1: Play detective.
For the next three days, keep a record of your social media habits. Every time you reach for your phone, note the following (in a spreadsheet or a notes app):
- The time and day
- Which apps you use most
- How long you're on it
- Why you're using it (e.g. responding to a DM, saying hi to a friend, boredom)
- How you feel before you open the app (e.g., like you're missing out, anxious)
- What you're doing (e.g. watching reels, scrolling through feeds, diving in on one person's account)
- How you feel once you're off the app (e.g., like you're falling behind, not being good enough)
Step 2: Identify positive changes you can make.
You might notice that you scroll through Instagram first thing in the morning for 30 minutes. And when you're done, you find yourself feeling anxious about the day ahead.
Consider blocking the app until after working hours. When you do log on, set a timer and limit yourself to no more than 10 minutes. Mute any accounts that might put you in a negative headspace.
Don't forget to be mindful about when social media has helped you. There is value in staying connected with people who love and support you.
The key is to be more aware of when social media lifts you up, and when it starts to cloud your thinking.
Step 3: Set aside time for monthly check-ins.
A big part of this exercise involves the immediate influences in your life, not just those on social media.
Once a month, make a list of all the people who are closest to you (e.g., parents, friends, a significant other, a boss) and how they affect you.
Then reflect upon what you think they want for you versus what you want for yourself:
- What I think my parents want for me: ____.
What I truly want for myself: _____. - What I think my friends want for me: ____.
What I truly want for myself: _____. - What I think my boss wants for me: ____.
What I truly want for myself: ____. - What I think my partner wants for me: ____.
What I truly want for myself: ____.
These monthly check-ins will ensure that you're staying on the right track and making decisions that create a life based on your definition of success.
Tess Brigham is a San Francisco-based psychotherapist. She has more than 10 years of experience in the field and primarily works with millennials and millennial parents.
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