I’ve lived in Paris for 12 years—here are 15 questions French people ask to make small talk more interesting

In 2011, I moved to Paris as a career-obsessed New Yorker who was never satisfied.

But adapting to a different way of life in France has changed me in infinite ways, especially when it comes to relationships and meaningful conversations.

Since moving here, I have learned that fellowship is life. French people gather regularly, and weekend meals are notoriously long. Even when there's a strike or protest, the day somehow ends with music and drinks. 

So how do French people start and maintain the meaningful conversations that they are so famous for?

They don't ask questions about work, which can seem invasive or unimportant. And they love inviting deep, even argumentative, conversation. Healthy dispute and debate is practically a national sport here.

The Parisians I know use these open-ended questions to charm everyone they meet:

Questions to start the conversation

1. "Where are you from?"

2. "How do you know [host's name]?"

3. "How long have you lived in [city you are both currently in]?"

4. "Have you seen any good movies or TV shows recently?"

5. "What's a good podcast or book you could recommend?" 

6. "Have you listened to the new [musician's name] album?"

7. "What was the last concert you attended?"

8. "Do you have any favorite restaurants in [city name]?" 

9. "I love your [clothing item or accessory]. Where did you get it?"

Questions to inspire thought

10. "What's your deepest desire at this very moment?" 

11. "If you could live in any decade or year, when would it be?"

12. "If you could eat the same meal every day for the rest of your life, what would it be?"

13. "What are three items you would take with you to a desert island?"

14. "If someone handed you a million dollars today, what would you do with it?"

15. "What is something that moved you recently?"

Gathering is about building and strengthening relationships, not being the perfect host or the perfect conversationalist.

Make time to truly be present with people. Sit with them. Take in the sound of the clinking glasses and plates. You'll feel like you're living the good life, and other people will feel good around you.

I often live by this Maya Angelou quote: "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Ajiri Aki is the author of "Joie" and co-author of New York Times bestseller "Where's Karl?" She has worked for the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the Museum of the City of New York. After moving to Paris, Ajiri started her successful lifestyle brand, Madame de la Maison, which focuses on objects for the table. She lives with her husband and two children.

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*This is an adapted excerpt from "Joie," by Ajiri Aki, published by Clarkson Potter, an imprint of Random House. Copyright © 2023 by Ajiri Aki.