It's hard to embrace change.
That goes for small things — like adjusting your diet to prioritize healthy foods — and big things, like weighing whether to avoid job searching by staying in a toxic workplace. And it can teach you a lot about yourself, says Maya Shankar, a cognitive neuroscientist with degrees from Yale University and the University of Oxford, and the host of the "A Slight Change of Plans" podcast.
"Change is scary," Shankar said in a recent TED Talk. "By definition, we're departing from an old way of being and entering a new one. And when we experience a change that we wouldn't have chosen for ourselves, it's easy to feel that our lives are contracting, that we're more limited than before."
If you struggle with rigidity when faced with uncertain circumstances, ask yourself these three questions, Shankar suggested:
- How might this change improve what you're capable of?
- How might this change modify what you value?
- How might this change reshape how you define yourself?
Focusing on the opportunities you might gain — rather than what you could lose — can help you better adapt to unexpected challenges. Shankar learned that lesson from experience, she said.
As a child, Shankar was a precocious violinist with dreams of becoming a full-time concert performer. Then, at age 15, she overextended a finger and permanently damaged her tendons, ending her music career.
She could have focused on what she lost. Instead, the injury helped her see herself as more than a violinist, she said. She was able to explore her other strengths and passions, ultimately leading her to a career in science.
That's easier said than done. Humans are change-averse by nature, according to clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly.
"Our brains are hardwired to prefer routine and consistency," Manly told mental health platform Verywell Mind last month. "Our ancestors preferred constancy, as they inherently knew that change often brought a lack of safety."
For some people, uncertainty can be so anxiety-inducing that they avoid it at all costs, a fear known as "metathesiophobia."
But adapting to change can be a crucial life and professional skill — and practicing self-reflection can help you become more open to uncertainty, said Shankar.
"We become different people on the other side of change. What we're capable of, what we value and how we define ourselves, these things can all shift," she said. "And if we can learn to pay close attention to these internal shifts, we may just find that rather than limiting us, change can actually expand us."
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