Arnold Schwarzenegger used 'authoritarian’ parenting—psychologists say there’s a better way for most to raise successful kids

Arnold Schwarzenegger's role as a father of five children has had its fair share of dramatic moments.

The actor, body-builder and politician — who is promoting a new book called "Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life" — recently told People about the ups and downs of parenting his now-adult children, and the tactics he used to impart life lessons.

Some of them seem somewhat extreme: Schwarzenegger burned a pair of his daughter Katherine's shoes when she was a child after she failed to put them away properly, despite her father's repeated instructions, he said.

Another time, Schwarzenegger said, he threw his then-9-year-old son Patrick's mattress off a balcony and into the family's pool "with the bedsheets, the pillows, everything," in response to the child not making his bed properly.

The Austrian-born mega-star, who served as the 38th governor of California, insisted his children "make their own bed, scrub their own showers, they have to clean their own toilet and they have to wash their own clothes," he said. He grew up with little money and a strict father of his own, and wanted to ensure his children were self-reliant and responsible.

Schwarzenegger said he's "really well-bonded with my kids" today and that his adult children often laugh when reflecting on his punishments. They boast that their father never let them get away with anything, he said.

Indeed, the "extreme" strategy may have been a perfectly fine choice for someone like Schwarzenegger, New York-based child psychologist Francyne Zeltser tells CNBC Make It: His kids' wealthy lifestyle likely meant that Patrick still had somewhere to sleep that night, and Katherine still had other pairs of shoes.

For most parents, though, it isn't the best or safest way to keep kids in line, says Zeltser.

Here's why.

Judging from afar, the actions Schwarzenegger described match the description of an "authoritarian" parent, one of four distinct parenting styles outlined by psychologists, Zeltser says.

Authoritarian parents are typically rigid and strict, often justifying harsh punishments as tough love. The style can be effective in raising highly obedient children, and at its most extreme, can cause consequences like lower self-esteem, less independence or less of an ability to think for themselves, psychologists say.

There's no single perfect parenting style, Zeltser adds: The most successful approach blends different styles depending on the situation. Sometimes, you need to give your children a say in setting their own boundaries. Other times, an authoritarian approach might help make sure existing rules don't get broken.

"It doesn't matter if it's making beds [or] putting shoes away. If it's something that you're capable of doing, and the expectation is that you do it, you should do it, even if somebody else is here that will do it if you don't," Zeltser says.

And when you establish expectations for your children, you need to show that there are real consequences when those expectations aren't met.

"Words alone don't always relate the same message as action," says Zeltser. "So perhaps the mattress out the window, or the shoes and the fireplace were [Schwarzenegger's] way of demonstrating that he was serious by what he said."

That said, "there are much better and more effective ways of doing it," Zeltser says.

Extreme consequences "might, in the short term, be effective," so long as they reinforce existing rules and don't scare the child or damage their ability to trust you, she says.

But in the long term, "punishment is not sustainable," she adds. Plus, research shows that positive reinforcement — like praising your child when they make their own bed — is better at encouraging desirable behavior overall.

Find the right balance of parenting styles so you can practice everything in moderation, rather than getting stuck on extremes, Zeltser recommends. The key to discovering the right approach usually includes "checking in with your child" and figuring out what's working and what isn't, she says.

"Is your method extreme or not? Is it working? So, if the mattress out the window got the child to start making the bed, then it worked. Great," she says. "If it didn't, then throwing another mattress out the window might not be the answer."

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