Everyone faces failure at some point. The most successful people use humility to bounce back quickly, according to Harvard-trained leadership expert Charlene Li.
"You don't know everything. And because you don't know everything, you can't be expected to have all the answers," Li, a San Francisco-based executive coach, recently told LinkedIn's "The Path" podcast. "When you can practice humility on a daily basis ... you can be open to a learner's mindset and that is absolutely crucial."
If you're a know-it-all, failing to meet your goals can impact your ego and emotional wellbeing a lot more than if you recognize that setbacks are normal and you should learn from them, said Li. That's easier said than done, since a lot of people are taught from a young age to strive for perfection.
"We are raised in school to aim for A's, which means being perfect, getting 100% on tests," she said. "Our education system doesn't encourage us to fail ... [But] it is virtually impossible to achieve 100% and be perfect all the time."
Looking at all situations as opportunities for learning, whether you succeed or fail, can help eliminate the shame and embarrassment that comes with falling short, said Li. Here's how to do it.
View any failure as a 'data point'
The next time you miss a deadline or mess up on a project, look at the situation objectively and calmly gather information from it: What went wrong? How can you improve next time?
Seeing your shortcomings as data can help you perform better and make different decisions in the future. "[Failure is] a data point," said Li. "If your goal was to reach X and ... you're not there, then you know what gap you have to fill in order to get to the place that you want to get to."
Li referred to this as viewing the situation with "equanimity."
"You're removing that baggage of emotion and you look at the reality of where you are. Then, you can move forward," she said. "But if you're carrying the shame and that embarrassment, then you're just carrying an extra burden."
Have a 'robust' support system
Even the most humble people can still feel stress in response to failure.
That's where your support system comes in. Having a strong social network of friends, family members or even colleagues can provide a safe space for you to bear your emotions without judgment, and give you advice on how to move forward.
"Having a robust support system to give you that foundational support when your own resilience is just really worn down is a good backstop to know that, when failure does come your way, you'll be prepared," Li said.
Social support is a strong predictor of psychological resilience, according to a 2016 report from World Psychiatry, the official journal of the World Psychiatric Association. Its effectiveness can vary depending on the type of support a person provides and your relationship to them, the report noted.
In any case, having a network of people you can turn to for support can help provide important perspective and improve your mood.
"There are days when, no matter what you do to prepare yourself, you're just going to feel bad," Li said. Having people in your corner will help you when "the worst case happens."
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