Harvard negotiation expert: Use these 5 'core concerns' to get the raise or promotion you want this year

Negotiating a promotion or raise in the workplace can feel oddly personal. Making the case that you deserve something more or different can stir up anxieties about self-respect or perceived value. 

"Work is a part of most people's identities," says Dan L. Shapiro, the director of the Harvard International Negotiation Program. Shapiro is also the author of "Negotiating the Nonnegotiable."

"If you and I are interacting in the workplace and I feel slighted on some level or unjustly treated, my emotions will be there — I will react," he says.

Instead of stifling your emotions, Dan L. Shapiro says you should use them to get what you want. 

Before going into a meeting with your boss, Shapiro suggests thinking about five "core concerns," that can help you funnel your emotions into a productive conversation. 

Do you feel appreciated by your boss and does your boss feel appreciated by you? 

"If I'm doing a lot of work and nobody seems to care, it's not a supportive environment and my emotions are likely to go rogue," Shapiro says. 

Try to reframe your mindset and come to the conversation with understanding and positivity. 

"In the workplace everyone is responding to 10 different pressures," Shapiro says. Remember and appreciate this when negotiating. 

Not feeling like you have sufficient autonomy can foster negative feelings.

"When our identity feels threatened we easily slip into a self-protective, psychological mode," Shapiro says. "Very quickly it becomes me vs. you. Us vs. them." 

Express that while you have goals you want to reach, you also want your boss to be happy with the outcome of this talk. This way you are exercising your autonomy and respecting your boss's. 

What is the nature of the connection between you and your boss? 

"People often walk into a negotiation and assume from the outset it's an adversarial battle," Shapiro says. "Don't treat it that way. Re-frame the situation as a shared problem. How do we deal with this?" 

You want to be treated as a colleague, not an enemy.

Perhaps your negative emotions stem from feeling like your status in the workplace isn't as high as it should be.

Instead of letting this sour you, express what status at the company you'd like to achieve and why it aligns with the workload you're taking on now. 

Sometimes negotiation is about personal fulfillment. Think about what role you want to play at your company and how that differs from what you're doing now.

Chances are there will be a time period of your career during which you feel undervalued or overlooked. Instead of becoming combative, use those frustrations to have a conversation where both parties can leave feeling heard.

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