Psychology and Relationships

This is the No. 1 mistake people make when looking for a mentor 

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An overwhelming majority, 91%, of workers who have mentors are satisfied with their jobs, according to a 2019 survey by CNBC and SurveyMonkey

If you've struggled to find a mentor, you might be asking the wrong person, says Thema Bryant, the former president of the American Psychological Association. Bryant is also a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University. 

"A mistake people often make is they look at the highest person in a field and they want that person to be their mentor," she says. "That person is not going to have as much time to pour into you as someone who is maybe mid-level." 

If you're looking for someone who can respond to emails right away or meet multiple times a month, the most senior person at your company is unlikely to have that capacity. 

Instead, you can ask someone more junior or you can seek advice from multiple sources, so you aren't heavily leaning on just one person. 

A mentor doesn't have to 'hit all the checkmarks'

"Don't eliminate a potential mentor because they don't hit all the checkmarks," Bryant says. 

Even if a person doesn't have the exact career trajectory you want to emulate, they might still be helpful. 

You also don't need to limit yourself to just one mentor.

"There are some mentors who are strictly business and that's how they'll approach you," Bryant says. "They are giving you great jewels, but they won't give you the warm fuzzy. You might have another mentor who you can talk to about your emotional well-being, but they might not have the business strategy for what you're trying to get." 

Both types of guidance can be useful.

If you are only seeking workplace mentorship, looking outside your company is smart.

Having one person in your office and another outside can help you gain a more balanced perspective on, for example, an office conflict or shift in company policy.

"The benefit of someone in the workplace is they know the people and the space you're trying to navigate," Bryant says. "Places are particular. People are peculiar."

A person who is familiar with the specific quirks of your co-workers might be able to help you advocate for yourself more effectively.

"Having someone who is outside of the space can be helpful and grounding," Bryant says.

"Some environments are unhealthy. Some environments are not trustworthy. Even if they don't know the people, some things will stand out to them that, when you're too close to [a situation], you can't see."

You'll gain something from listening to both viewpoints.

Want to land your dream job in 2024? Take CNBC's new online course How to Ace Your Job Interview to learn what hiring managers are really looking for, body language techniques, what to say and not to say, and the best way to talk about pay. CNBC Make It readers can save 25% with discount code 25OFF.

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