When a successful person takes an interest in your career, it can be exciting. Receiving guidance or mentorship is a huge factor in job satisfaction, according to a 2019 survey by CNBC and SurveyMonkey.
But not all people who are eager to be your mentor will be the right fit, says Keita Williams, founder of career coaching company Success Bully.
"When I think about people who have taken me under their wing it's like, is there where I'm supposed to be?" she says. "Am I supposed to be under this wing?"
Here are three red flags that signal your mentor isn't right for you or might not have your best interests in mind.
1. Your mentor doesn't have a good reputation.
You want your mentor to be someone others think highly of, says Thema Bryant, the former president of the American Psychological Association. Bryant is a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University and did her postdoctoral training at Harvard Medical Center.
"Some people have poor integrity and that will reflect on you," Bryant says. "There are some people where if you said their name others would be like, 'Oh that's who mentored you?'"
If it doesn't seem like colleagues or peers respect your mentor, you might not want to be associated with them.
2. Your mentor isn't excited about your goals.
If your mentor tells you your goals are unrealistic, this could be a sign that they are intimated by your success.
"If your dream is bigger than what they have accomplished they might try to discourage it," Bryant says.
This doesn't mean that all critical feedback is toxic.
If your dream is bigger than what they have accomplished they might try to discourage it.Thema Bryantprofessor of psychology at Pepperdine University
"It's different when they are giving wisdom that is helpful," she says. "They might say, 'Oh this document you're working on is not ready.' That's not from a place of hating on you."
But, a good mentor should be comfortable with you becoming more successful than them.
"I want [my mentees] to surpass me," Bryant says.
3. You feel tokenized by your mentor.
A person might offer to mentor you to advance their own career.
"There might be tokenism where they want someone of your identity in their group," Bryant says. "You want to be selective. Some people might be trying to use you."
If their identity is different from yours, it also could limit their ability to see how you're perceived in the workplace, says Williams, who started her career in tech.
"I was the only black woman on the team," she says. "I was the only person of color on the team. Finding more senior black women who could relate and understand to what I was experiencing, they weren't at my company."
Instead, she turned to mentors outside her workplace for guidance.
"I got more value out of being able to show up as my authentic self and saying, 'I don't feel like I'm being heard at work,'" she says.
If you don't feel comfortable having those vulnerable conversations with your mentor, it could be time to seek guidance from someone else.
Want to make extra money outside of your day job? Sign up for CNBC's new online course How to Earn Passive Income Online to learn about common passive income streams, tips to get started and real-life success stories. Register today and save 50% with discount code EARLYBIRD.
