How money can build or break your relationship, according to experts

Money can't buy happiness, but it can definitely impact your romantic relationships.

According to a 2024 Fidelity study, nearly half (45%) of couples admitted they argue about money at least occasionally.

Maybe that's why "having a sense of financial responsibility" tops the list of most attractive financial traits, according to a recent survey from BMO Real Financial Progress Index, with 96% of respondents ranking it as a top three trait in a potential partner. The two other most popular financial green flags were "talking about money openly" (94%) and "having a good financial plan" (92%).

Whether you're married, casually dating or somewhere in the middle, it's important to consider your financial goals with your partner in mind. CNBC Select spoke with two experts about what people can do to improve their money and romantic relationships.

If you're actively dating, it's normal to be curious about a potential partner's financial situation, regardless of where you're at in the dating process. "Daters who get better with their money will naturally attract better dating prospects because it is still one of the primary attractors in our society," said Damona Hoffman, host of The Dates & Mates Podcast.

Having more money than less is definitely a "plus" on the dating market. But it isn't just about how much you earn — it's also about financial transparency. Maybe you don't want to bring up your salary on the first date, but having early conversations about your financial situation can build a healthy foundation.

There is no one key to success in any relationship, but common themes among strong relationships are shared values and common goals. And when the subject of personal finance arises, Hoffman suggests you'll naturally begin to reveal your goals and values.

"You're unlikely to be perfectly aligned on those [goals and values], but discussing them offers you an opportunity to understand your partner and find compromise on those important choices," she said.

And these values are formed much before you earn your first dollar.

Everyone's "money story" starts at childhood, according to Dr. Alex Melkumian, founder of the Financial Psychology Center in Los Angeles, CA. "The foundation of anyone's understanding and relationship with money is based with their family of origin coupled with any financial literacy education they receive throughout their life," he said.

Because we're all raised differently and come from varying socioeconomic backgrounds, how we think about and understand money can vary significantly from person to person. "It's rare that in a romantic relationship, both partners come to it with the same, or similar, money story," Dr. Melkumian said.

Regardless of your upbringing, and how difficult discussing money can be, it's important to have the conversation with your significant other.

Talking about money can be difficult in any setting, whether it's dating, at work or even among friends.

If your money situation is less than ideal, it can bring fears of judgment or embarrassment. If you're financially savvy and enjoy talking about subjects like your Roth IRA or the latest meme stock, it can bring up resentment from others.

So before you have your next money conversation, keep in mind a few tips in mind:

• Take time to understand each other's values: If one person loves spending money on going out to eat, while the other prefers to dine at home to save money, this could present a difference in values. Make sure you discuss with one another how and why you value certain things.
• Be clear about who pays for what: It should never be a guessing game of who is paying for something. The right time to figure that out isn't when the bill comes or when you are standing in front of a register, but before the issue arises altogether.
• If you're considering marriage, get 'financially naked': While it may not be sexual infidelity, financial infidelity can be very destructive. So if you're considering taking the next step in your relationship, it's extremely important to make sure you talk about potentially difficult subjects like credit card debt or student loans.

One great way you and your partner can track and plan your finances is through the Honeydue budget app, designed for just this. With the app, you and your partner can share info on credit cards, accounts, loans and investments. You can even chat with each other through the app.

At CNBC Select, our mission is to provide our readers with high-quality service journalism and comprehensive consumer advice so they can make informed decisions with their money. Every personal finance guide is based on rigorous reporting by our team of expert writers and editors with extensive knowledge of personal finance products. While CNBC Select earns a commission from affiliate partners on many offers and links, we create all our content without input from our commercial team or any outside third parties, and we pride ourselves on our journalistic standards and ethics.

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