There Must Be A Pony In Here Somewhere

Banks Got You Queasy? Just Stay in Bed.


If the freefall in shares of Bank of America, Citigroup and other bank stocks is keeping you up at night, one company has a solution: Put your money in your mattress.

Safe-T Bed
Photo: Hollandia International


The Executive Safe-T Bed from Hollandia International has a heavy-duty safe built right into the mattress so paranoid investors can sleep on their cash and other valuables like a dog on his favorite chew toy.

That may have seemed ridiculous a few years ago — why not at least have that money earning 4.5 percent in an online savings account? — but after all the stocks that went poof! and Madoffs that made off with your money, stashing it under your mattress doesn't sound so crazy anymore.

At $20,400, Safe-T doesn’t come cheap, but CEO Avi Barseessat told the New York Times in an interview last year that it’s not just the benefit of knowing where your money is, “you also get a good quality sleep.”

Safe-T Bed
Photo: Hollandia International

Oh, and it has a flat-screen TV built into the foot of the bed, so theoretically, you could ride out the entire recession … in bed!

The company offers Safe-T at any price point: You can add a safe to any Hollandia mattress for an extra $399 or pimp out your bed with a TV, CD and massage feature for a cool $50K.

It’s not going to fix your portfolio, per se, but watching your stocks plunge on CNBC while getting a massage from your money-filled bed sure would take the edge off.

Hey, this ain't your granny's recession.

Pony Treats:

  • Dummy Security Camera. If you blew all your money on a bed with a safe in it and have nothing left for a security camera, offers a dummy security camera— hey, someone could be watching you — for $12.99.

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