Funny Business with Jane Wells

This Wiener Takes All

It's been an interesting week in the world of celebrity scandal.

Here's the perfect food product to go with it.

TheBig A** Hot Dogweighs in at seven pounds and is 16 inches long—though it seems longer—and 4 inches wide. This big wiener is made of veal, beef and pork and costs $40 apiece.

Big Hot Dog

Let's see how many of these Kobayashi can down!

The company behind the dog is Chicago-based , which claims Big A** Hot Dogs are made fresh every Tuesday.

In a commercial for the BAHD, "George" explains that "little hot dogs" are a problem in every conceivable way.

They roll off the grill "and many of them end up on the ground--what a waste!" The best point he makes: "Tiny hot dogs come in packages of six, while their buns come in packages of EIGHT!" George proceeds to play air guitar with the big dog and cock it like a shotgun before finally explaining how you're supposed to cook and serve the humungous thing.

Here's the secret. You're supposed to slice the dog and cook it like a patty...then serve it on A HAMBURGER BUN.

Imagine! You can eat a hamburger which tastes like a hot dog! THE perfect BBQ treat.

My question, does the Big A** Hot Dog come with a Big A** Side of Chili? Can you wrap it in Big A** Strips of Bacon? I've emailed the company seeking details. Meantime, you can learn more about the life of the Big A** Hot Dog in this strange, semi-artsy video.

In the video, the larger-than-life meat byproduct destroys a wiener dog, lands a hot girl friend, and we also learn that hot dogs use relish as shaving cream. Mmmmm. Relish....

UPDATE: I just heard from Dan Abbate, aka "Da Boss" at Gorilla Tango Novelty Meats. He says they launched the Big A** Hot Dog this month, and, "The first week we only sold one. Then the second week we sold 6 - The third week we sold 21 - and then this week we have already sold 42." He says it takes two days for each dog "to get through the factory--they grind, season and stuff on Monday, then cook on Tuesday and we ship them out on Wednesday." Abbate says they ship the dogs "in these awesome pink boxes with Styrofoam cooler insides and ice packs."

Abbate, who calls himself an inventor/entrepreneurial cross between Doc Brown from "Back to the Future" and Willy Wonka, says his dad is the inspiration behind this game-changing product. "At a bbq we had back in August, he said that someone should make a hot dog that doesn't roll around all over the grill." So Abbate came up with a hot dog that could have a flat surface.

I asked him about the fat content and cholesterol in each dog, and he estimates it's probably 1000g of fat and 2200mg of cholesterol, "if you were to eat the whole thing by yourself. Let us know if you are going to attempt that..."

As for other Big A** products like chili, buns, onions, Abbate says, "all those things are coming...we are just getting started."

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