Funny Business with Jane Wells

What rich men want (and don't want) in a woman

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What do wealthy men want in a woman?

The same thing all men want, except they're more likely to find it.

In a survey by, more than 1,000 men described their ideal woman.

First, a note. This is a survey taken by members of, OK? These respondents are older guys looking for younger women on the Internet, and they're even willing to complete a survey about it. It's kind of like asking NRA members about their views on guns, or asking Greenpeace if they like whales. We know who we're dealing with. That said, it doesn't mean there aren't a couple of surprises.

Men surveyed by said their ideal woman is:

  • Blonde (well, now I am)
  • Blue-eyed (check)
  • 25-28 years (nope)
  • Slim (not like I used to be!)
  • 11-15 years younger than their male companion (uh-oh)

Men in the survey also said they prefer a good body over a pretty face, and a beautiful smile is more important than great hair. So, work on the teeth and the abs and forget the hair and Botox.

'Poor' rich girl speaks out
'Poor' rich girl speaks out

The most attractive physical attributes, however, may surprise you, as they put the Kardashians at a disadvantage. Here they are in order of popularity:

  1. slim body
  2. great legs
  3. large breasts
  4. round behind

Cut the carbs, ladies!

My favorite part of the survey involves character traits. Survey takers value honesty, loyalty and faithfulness more than anything else in a woman's character, though they don't necessarily promise it in return.

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They also prefer a woman with a great personality over one with ambition—success is kind of a turnoff, apparently. The least attractive quality a woman can have, though, is being "a drama queen" (I agree). Creating drama is considered far worse than using drugs or drinking too much. As for politics, the men in the survey don't care much about a woman's political leanings. Whether she's liberal, conservative, blah blah blah, it doesn't matter. Just smile and work on those legs.

That sound you hear is me gasping as I do squats.

Thank goodness I'm married. Thank heavens the Hubbanator is too tired/lazy/busy/golfing to leave me.

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Imagine the tables were turned! Imagine if this was an Amazonian world where all women had as much money as Oprah, and young men were their playthings. Yes, yes ... I see it now. We'd want our men to be in shape! Look like Laird Hamilton! Smile! Be loyal! Shut up and have a great personality! Ask us about our day, clean the house, feed the kids, rub our shoulders...

Haaaaaaaaaaahahahaha (inhale) bwaaaaaahahahahahahahaaaa.

Oh man, that's funny.

Actually, you know what makes the perfect man or woman? The one who makes you happy. If a slim build and great legs make you happy, go for it. I'll be over here doing squats, laughing, as my husband makes fun of me.

—By CNBC's Jane Wells; Follow her on Twitter: @janewells.