"In their heads, they have fifteen or so stocks that need to be bought even if we get a triad of terrible headlines, and their biggest fear is that saner heads will prevail ... and therefore you won't get the kind of buyable pullback that they've been praying for," the "Mad Money" host said.
So, for those who did not receive a bullish bad-headline shopping list, Cramer laid out 15 stocks that the bulls want desperately to buy into weakness.
- Nvidia: Jensen Huang, the CEO of this semiconductor company, has been the driving force behind the company's strength in machine learning, self-driving cars, graphics, and voice recognition, Cramer said. "You think this stock cares about Theresa May?" he asked.
- Broadcom: The internet-of-things-oriented chipmaker's stock has taken off since its latest earnings report.
- Microsoft: Cramer advised that if this stock falls more than 37 cents on Thursday, it's a buy.
- Amazon: "Amazon's got so many irons in the fire that people have forgotten it's basically a retailer," Cramer said. "I think some investors would buy Amazon's stock even in the event of thermonuclear war."
- Visa or MasterCard: The money once assigned to the bank stocks is now flowing into these winning stocks, but they never go down, so Cramer is hoping for a pullback.
- Johnson & Johnson: The health care products giant is one of the few loved stocks in a hard-to-love space.
- McDonald's: New technology, a smaller menu, all-day breakfast and stellar management make this secular grower a good get if stocks get pummeled, Cramer said.
- Adobe or Autodesk: "I pick these two because investors really don't have a clue about what they do anymore except that they go up," Cramer said of the cloud play and the computer-aided design name, respectively. "Whatever. They keep going up."
- Lam Research: With chipmakers topping the list, Cramer figured he would add the stock of a company that makes the machines that make those chips.
- Activision Blizzard: Video game makers like this one and competitors Electronic Arts and Take Two Interactive Software are some of the best secular growers around, Cramer said.
- General Dynamics: Cramer does not see defense stocks taking a hit unless Comey somehow nails Trump in his testimony, because U.S. allies have to buy weapons from us.
- Comcast: The CNBC parent company has strong cash flow and a good internet business that will buck the government's new net neutrality rules, the "Mad Money" host said.
- Intuitive Surgical: Cramer said buyers should jump at a chance to own this medical device maker's stock.
With Visa linked to Mastercard and Adobe to Autodesk, Cramer asked viewers not to be picky about the 15-stock promise.
The bottom line? "Keep these 15 names on your shopping list and you'll be ready for any weakness that comes because of Britain and the ECB and Comey," the "Mad Money" host said. "Are there other anointed stocks? Oh, of course, and I'll dribble them out now and then. Am I being arbitrary and capricious? Sure, it's my darn show. Try to stop me. What matters is that now you have the list and you can start preparing yourself for our next downturn."
Disclosure: Comcast is the owner of NBCUniversal, the parent company of CNBC and CNBC.com.
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