On the policy front, Cramer said it feels like we are stuck in some sort of "Hessian Hell," the "Mad Money" host's new shorthand for the deafening buzz about Trump's health care policy and the Russia scandal that is drastically slowing progress at the White House.
In fact, Cramer pointed out that Yellen's mission at the Fed has been to help the central bank become a non-factor, exerting less and less influence over markets with its announcements.
"The S&P and Dow hit an all-time high yesterday, and the Dow hit another one today. That seems like a pretty good argument for why we should've been down big on today's rate hike, especially given how weak consumer spending has been and how tepid the overall growth rate is," Cramer said. "But she's judged it correctly: a non-event that produced a little buying and a little selling is really an apt description of what happened in the wake of her actions."
For example, the bank stocks led a rotation ahead of the Fed meeting, given that the rate hike was expected and wanted by investors with stakes in the financial names.
But even though they ticked up slightly after the meeting, they hardly rallied, Cramer noted. For that matter, neither did the consumer goods stocks, which do well when the economy is slowing and used to rally right into Fed meetings.
"Instead, while you may have heard that [Yellen] could cool the housing market with this hike, ... then why did the housing stocks rally, with many of them hitting their highest levels since 2007, before the Great Recession? Why did Home Depot, the most housing-sensitive retail stock, soar? Because, at least for now, this rate hike a non-event," Cramer said.
And while the technology stocks mostly recovered from Friday's odd sell-off, with some investors taking profits, Cramer said that would have happened with or without a Fed meeting.
"The bottom line is that we may want to make Yellen the story. But she ain't taking the bait," the "Mad Money" host said. "So we get a ho-hum day with lots of middle-of-the-road chatter from Yellen and then we return to our regularly scheduled second-guessing program, as nobody seems to want to say what needs to be said: thank you so much for being predictable and on your game, Madame Fed chief."
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